Power9
by Purity Black
Summary: COMPLETE! When Bayville's water supply is spiked, mutants all over town start bursting into song at inappropriate moments. Many bizarre pairings!
1. Default Chapter

Author notes.

This story is the real reason I'm not supposed to eat sugar straight from the bag and call it a meal…

Just a silly idea that occurred to me while I was ironing a shirt. I welcome all suggestions for songs! There will be a different one in each chapter.

I've never tried the layout that I'm using in here before. Please let me know how well it works or if it doesn't.

Dedicated to everyone who liked 'The Cure' (my first fic).

Power-9 will contain NO standard couples, coz I wanna see how much fun I can have playing around with the characters. Suggestions welcomed! And yeah, I know Rietro's not unusual, but I couldn't resist.

Please R&R!


	2. Ban the Tube Top!

It was past midnight in Bayville and the majority of factories in the industrial area had been closed for hours, including the water treatment plant. In spite of that, there were two shadowy figures sneaking through the building, each carrying a suspicious-looking canister.

"Empty it into here," ordered one of them in a whisper. 

The pair quickly poured the liquid contents of the containers into the tank that would shortly be supplying the town with its drinking water and crept quietly away, silently congratulating themselves on a job well done.

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The Brotherhood walked down the street on their way to a café for some breakfast. On the way they had to pass Bayville High, the school they'd been expelled from some time earlier for nothing more serious than some minor property damage.

Lance scowled at the students milling around the building. "I can't believe Kelly expelled us! It was only a few small fires and no one got hurt. He totally over-reacted!"

Fred shrugged. "Who cares? It was a waste of time anyway."

"Look," said Todd, pointing to one of the cars in the school parking lot. "It's the X-geeks. How come they get cool cars and we have to drive around in Lances rust bucket?"

The group glared at Jean Greys new SUV jealously as the girl got out and rubbed some imaginary dust from the wing mirror. Kitty, Kurt and Rogue climbed out as well, talking happily between themselves.

Pietro gazed at the group thoughtfully and did something that startled the others. He burst into song.

Pietro: _You're 17, evil and mean_

_            Comfy and cosy nowhere scene_

_            You can't deny the loser inside_

_            All of your bad taste won't subside_

The Brotherhood stared at him curiously.

Wanda blinked. "Is he talking about Rogue?"

Todd grinned at her. "I think Quicksilver finally lost his mind yo."

Pietro: _You're outta sight_

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You dress funny, strapless and skintight_

_            You're outta sight _

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You drive me crazy you wear it out of spite_

_            Ban the tube top tonight_

"Uh Pietro," said Fred hesitantly. "She's not wearing a tube top."

Pietro: _You're magical mystery girl_

            Tick tock you don't stop rockin' my world 

"HEY!" yelled Lance. "I make the rock puns around here! Stop stealing my stuff!"

Pietro: _You give high fives to all the guys_

_            You let me know that I'm alive_

_            You're outta sight_

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You dress funny strapless and skintight_

_            You're outta sight_

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You drive me crazy you wear it out of spite_

_            Ban the tube top tonight_

Pyro popped up out of nowhere for no apparent reason. "Looks like Buckethead locked up the wrong twin."

Pietro: _There's a party tonight we're not invited to_

_            But I don't care because I hate everyone in school_

_            I ignore all the girls but you_

"That's a lie," said Wanda.

"WHAT party?" asked Lance, hurt. "I didn't get invited to any party!"

Pietro: _Beautiful girl_

_            Ugly shirt_

_            You are a fashion red alert_

_            But I can't resist_

_            You've never been kissed_

            And I've never been in love like this… 

            _You're outta sight_

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You dress funny strapless and skintight_

_            You're outta sight_

_            You keep me up at night_

_            You drive me crazy you wear it out of spite_

_            Ban the tube top tonight_

Pyro: _Hey, I just had to go to Mars for a second! But I'm back now and I bought T-shirts for everyone!_

Pietro blinked in confusion, then turned to the Brotherhood. "Uh, did I just confess my secret crush on Rogue through song?"

"Yes," replied Wanda. "And you were out of tune."

"I don't know what's worse," said Toadd. "The crush or the singing."

"The worst part was Pyro joining in," decided Fred.

Lance frowned. "This is weird. Maybe we should stop you eating all those candy canes."

Pietro shook his head. "I haven't had any today, I swear! Just a couple glasses of water."

"You can't blame a crush on Rogue on the water."

"It's probably just a one-off." Wanda glared at her brother. "It had _better_ be just a one-off!"

Pietro noticeably paled. "Eeep!"

"Can we go get our breakfast?" Fred's stomach growled, emphasising his point. "Rogue went into school five minutes ago!"

And so the Brotherhood went off for breakfast, giving no further thought to Pietro's strange behaviour. Not then anyway…

This chapter's song is 'Ban the Tube Top' by Reel Big Fish.


	3. If that's what it takes

Thanks to:

Oceanbang – planning to use some of your suggestions, thanks for them!

Steph14Wales – thanks! Next chap up tomorrow!

Holly Potter – Pietro says you can have the candy canes back – if you can catch him!

DemonRogue13 – gonna use those ideas, thanks for them!

ChildrenWithBlades – thanks! Pyro will get a song all of his own later in the fic!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – I'm gonna use that song in a later chapter, thanks for the info!

Furygrrl – lack of Jott proved in this chapter! Scott gets a new lurve chap after next!

Human Lightshow – thanks!

Lieutenant Lindsey – Gambit will turn up later on!

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men evo or the song.

Next chapter up tomorrow!

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As the Brotherhood walked back from the café, they saw some one in need of help…

Jean waved at them frantically. "Please! I don't know what's up with my SUV!"

"Like we care," replied Lance with a dismissive gesture. "Phone your loser friends…"

"NO!" yelled Jean, to the Brotherhood's surprise. "Please help me out here!"

Lance looked inside the SUV and pointed to the gas gauge. "It's out of gas is all…"

"I should have known.  I should have checked!"

"Don't get so upset." Lance gave the redhead a suspicious look. "What's with you today?"

"Scott just dumped me! In front of all our friends! Through song!"

"Ouch."

"I'll never find another handsome charismatic team leader."

"I know how you feel," said Lance sympathetically. "But you'll work it out."

"No we won't. It's over. I need to find someone else…but who?"

Pietro grimaced. "Uh-oh…"

Lance: _I played the part of a broken heart upon a shelf_

_            I played that part so lonely and so well_

_            Thought that love belonged to some one else_

_            Not me and you_

_            Yeah I know that you've been shattered_

_            You've been bruised_

_            We both know what it feels like when you lose_

_            But Id bet my life on a roll of the dice for you…_

"Oh my god," said Wanda. "You've all gone mad."

"He can't help it," Pietro told her. "It's like being possessed!"

Wanda snorted. "A crush on Miss Perfect? He'd have to be possessed."

Lance: _If that's what it takes that's what I'll do_

_            Tonight is the night I'm gonna prove it to you _

_            Do I have to break down just to break through?_

_            If that's what it takes that's what I'll do_

_            If that's what it takes…_

Meanwhile, Jean was gazing into Lances eyes and smiling dreamily. "That's soooooo romantic!"

Lance: _I bet you counted all the tears I bet you cried_

_            I bet you swore you'd never let love back inside_

_            Coz it hurt you way too bad to say goodbye_

_            Now there'll be times when I might put us to the test_

"Like now?" asked Wanda cynically.

Lance: _And it's hard for broken hearts to just forget_

_            But I'm driving blind_

_            I'll lay it all on the line for you_

 _If that's what it takes that's what I'll do_

_            Tonight is the night I'm gonna prove it to you _

_            Do I have to break down just to break through?_

_            If that's what it takes that's what I'll do_

_            If that's what it takes…_

_            So when you feel like jumping _

_            When your heart starts pumping_

_            When you're standing out on that ledge_

_            Staring over the edge_

_            I'll be there to talk you down_

_            I'll be there before you hit the ground…_

Lance paused blinked a couple of times and looked back at the Brotherhood. "Uh, did I just serenade Jean Grey?"

"Oh Lance! I feel exactly the same!" Much to Lances surprise, Jean threw her arms around him and made an enthusiastic exploration of the inside of his mouth, using only her tongue.

Toad winced. "Eeeeew!"

Lance managed to come up for air. "I think I approve of whatever's making us all sing!"

"You would," said Pietro in disgust.

"We should find out what it is that's causing it though," said Jean thoughtfully. "Come back to the mansion with me and we'll talk to the Professor. And we'll have to tell Kitty and Scott about our love!"

Lance looked suddenly afraid. "We will?"

"Yes! And then we'll save the world!"

"Wait," said Lance. "I thought you liked me singing to you."

"It was very sweet, but you can't carry a tune and if you did it all the time, I'd have to wipe your mind."

Lance shrugged. "Oh. OK, let's all go to the Institute!"

"No!" Pietro looked at the others frantically, hoping for backup. "What if I end up singing about Rogue again? Is anyone listening to me? Hey guys!"

Song is 'If that's what it takes' by Bon Jovi.


	4. Hot For Teacher

Thanks to:

StArRy 1233 – Wow, thanks for the long review! I'm glad you liked it. I used the script style because I thought it might work better for the songs, but I might change it. It's the first time I used this style.

Furygrrl – That's the most 'yes' I ever got in a review, thanks! Thank Oceanbang for the Lance/Jean idea, it hadn't occurred to me, but I thought it'd be amusing.

Holly Potter – Not as much Rietro-ness as you might like here sis, but I'll make it up to you, promise!

Steph14Wales – I'm enjoying the random couples and they don't get much more random than this one – I'm disturbed! But you knew that!

DemonRogue13 – I bet that would be disturbing J Oh wow, I didn't know my computer could do faces like that! Watch it not come up on fanfic now and everyone thinks I'm imagining things – again…

Epona04 – Thanks! Being evil is more fun than doing good…

Question to all readers: Should I stick with the scrip style or change to "speech mark" style? Let me know!

Disclaimer: Be serious. As if I own.

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At the Institute, Jean led the Brotherhood into Professor Xavier's study, where the rest of the X-Men were waiting. Scott noticed Jean holding Lances hand and glowered. "Hey, what's going on?"

Jean smiled happily. "Lance and I are celebrating our love!"

Lance looked embarrassed. Scott looked pissed.

The Professor rose an eyebrow. "Jean, we are aware of the strange phenomenon that has overtaken the mutants of Bayville recently. But until we know what is happening, there's little we can do."

Logan scowled. "Y'mean we might start singing at any time? No way."

Meanwhile, Pietro was giving Rogue a longing glance, when he suddenly felt something possessing his vocal chords. "Oh no, not again!"

Todd gave him a confused glance. "What is it yo?"

Pietro:_ I said ba-_

Wanda: _T-T-Teacher stop that screaming_

_            Teacher don't you see?_

_            Don't wanna be no uptown fool_

_            Maybe I should go to hell_

_            But I'm doing well_

_            Teacher needs to see me after school_

Wanda hexed Logan so that he couldn't get out of the chair and began doing a little bump-and-grind dance in front of him, while both the X-Men and the Brotherhood looked on in horror.

Logan tried vainly to escape. "Eeep!"

Fred looked ill. "That is SO wrong."

Todd sniffled. "I've been rejected!"

"Uh, _hello_?" Pietro crossed his arms and glared. "I was about to do a song!"

"And she's not his teacher anyway," added Jean.

Wanda: _I think of all the education that I missed_

_            But then my homework was never quite like this_

_            I've got it bad_

_            Got it bad_

_            Got it bad_

_            I'm hot for teacher_

_            Got it bad _

_So bad_

_            I'm hot for teacher_

Logan stared at Wanda with fear in his eyes. "Uh the thing is, uh, you're a nice kid, uh…would you let me up? Please?"

Wanda sat on his knee and put a hand up to his face. The X-Men chuckled at the look of terror the instructor gave the girl.

Wanda: _I've got it bad_

_            Got it bad_

_            Got it bad_

_            I'm hot for teacher_

Lance frowned. "Didn't she just miss a verse out?"

"Maybe she thought it wasn't relevant." Jean grabbed her new boyfriend by the belt. "Let's go to my room for a while."

"Woo-hoo!"

Wanda: _Got it bad_

_ So bad_

_            I'm hot for teacher_

"I know what you're gonna say Charles," said Logan. "But I've never been able to resist a hot chick pinning me to the chair."

The couple began smooching, to a chorus of disgusted noises.

Pietro gagged. "That's my SISTER! That's GROSS!"

"She's like, young enough to be your Granddaughter!" added Kitty.

The Professor sighed "Erik is gonna be pissed about this…"

Song is 'Hot for Teacher' by Van Halen.


	5. Together in my room

Thanks to:

Oceanbang – glad you liked the new chaps and I laughed out loud when I thought of Wanda/Logan, I just _had_ to put it in!

DemonRogue13 – that image still makes me grin…and I owe the next 2 chapters to your ideas, so thanks for them!

Furygrrl – I could just see Magneto's face when she brings her new boyfriend home to meet the folks:D Lance/Jean is good fun; they'll pop up a few times later on!

Holly Potter – More Pietro interruptions, but don't worry! He couldn't be cut off every time – could he?

Steph14Wales – I dunno if Magneto's gonna show up, but I bet he can carry a tune!

Maiden Genisis – I've had criticism of the script form before and now I'm wondering whether or not to change it. The song gave me a great idea; I'll use it in a later chapter – thanks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! I merely manipulate the contents to suit my own warped imaginings.

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Scott stormed out of Professor Xavier's office, unable to believe that his former girlfriend was dating the leader of the Brotherhood and their instructor was lip-locked with Magneto's daughter. He stormed into the rec room and threw himself grumpily into a chair, picking up a magazine and glaring at it, not reading the words.

Pietro and Fred wandered into the room a couple of minutes after that, feeling queasy at the thought of what their team-mates were doing with various members of the X-Men and not noticing Todd's absence at all.

Fred was upset. "I bought some tongue for a sandwich tonight – I can't face it now!"

"My _sister_ with _Wolverine_?" Pietro sat down and put his face in his hands. "Magneto's gonna lose his bucket over this!"

At that point the New Recruits entered, along with Rogue, Kurt and Evan. Pietro felt worse. "Oh no, please don't let me want to sing, please…"

Ray was the first person brave enough to speak to the team leader. "You OK Scott?"

"I'm FINE."

"OK, OK."

Tabby sprawled out in a chair and began filing her nails. "Hey, you dumped her. You said she was too goody-goody for you."

"Yeah, we all heard it," agreed Amara.

Scott glared at them. "Well, she was."

"So stop with the attitude," said Roberto.

"Yeah," complained Tabitha. "We've all got problems but you don't see us sulking about them."

Bobby noticed the odd look on Scott's face. "Uh, Scott are you gonna be sick?"

Pietro felt odd himself…and the feeling was familiar. "Oh no!"

Rogue gave him a look. "What's up with you?"

Pietro: _What I –_

Scott leapt to his feet and grabbed a startled Tabitha by the hand.

Scott: _If you're alone and you need a friend_

_          Some one to make you forget your problems_

_          Just come along_

_         Baby take my hand _

_         I'll be your lover tonight_

New Recruits: _Oh-oh, oh-oh_

Scott: _This is what I wanna do_

New Recruits: _Oh-oh, oh-oh_

Scott: _Let's have some fun_

New Recruits: _Oh-oh, oh-oh_

Scott: _One and one just me and you_

New Recruits: _Oh-oh, oh-oh_

Scott_: Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom_

_           I want you in my room_

_          Let's spend the night together_

_          From now until forever_

_          Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom_

_          I wanna do the Boom_

_         Let's spend the night together_

_         Together in my room_

Amara came to her senses first. "Uh, did you just ask Tabby to sleep with you?"

"More to the point," said Jubilee. "Did we just join in with a song that cheesy?"

"You wanna do the Boom? Well then, what the hell are we waiting for?" Tabitha grabbed Scott by the hand, pulled him close to her for the kind of kiss that would have gotten them instantly arrested had they been in public, then dragged him away.

Pietro pouted. "Why the HELL so you people keep interrupting me?"

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Meanwhile, Beast and Storm were running a chemical analysis on the tap water the mutant teens had been drinking all day.

Beast shook the test tube and watched it change colour. "As I suspected. There are new versions of the toxic eliminators that we found in Power-8 present in this. We must tell the others!"

Storm folded her arms and frowned. "Why?"

"Huh?"

"I'm not as damn nice as everyone thinks I am you know. I think it's great watching the others burst into song all the time. And it's done some good so far…"

"You call Logan and Wanda kissing GOOD!?"

"We'll be fine as long as we don't drink the water. No one finds out about this until some one sings to ME!"

"Well, I could…"

"Some one who's not you."

"Oh fine then. We'll keep it quiet for a while."

Song is 'Boom-Boom-Boom-Boom' by the Vengaboys. I owe remembering this to VH1s 'Cheesiest Ever Number 1s Weekend'. I haven't changed the lyrics, but I have taken liberties with the punctuation.

AUTHOR NOTE: The next chapter contains a song with a line in that some people may find offensive. If this sounds like you, then just skip the next chapter. Don't get all upset and flame me.


	6. Living On A Lily Pad

Thanks to:

Oceanbang – A New Recruit pairing next chapter!

Southern Goth Gal – Pietro has a lovely singing voice too… Bet Buckethead's unhappy!

Furygrrl – always glad to make Jean and Scott be less prissy. And Tabby's totally bendy – saw it on 'Cruise Control! J

Holly Potter – Pietro sends his apologies for not appearing in this chapter, but he's on his way to your place right now to return your candy canes! Have him back in good condition in time for the next chapter please!

Human Lightshow – Evil Storm decreed no cure 'til she gets a song, so more insanity to come…heh heh heh!

Steph14Wales – Scott and Tabby is freaky – but it's gonna get weirder still! Hahaha!

Rift – I didn't think of doing a whole fic with Logan/Wanda, but now that you mention it, I could do something with that…

DemonRogue13 – I used your idea in this chapter too! Enjoy!

Maiden Genisis – Is this update fast enough? Two minutes after I got your review, not bad eh?

Author Note: I've changed the format from script style by popular demand, although songs will still be in script. I've redone the other chapters to fit in with this.

**WARNING!** If you are easily offended, the song within contains some lyrics that may piss you off. Please just choose not to read rather than reading then flaming.

Disclaimer: I don't own. And if you're offended, you were warned!

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Kitty went outside and sat under a tree rather than watch the display in the Professors office. On top of the nausea from watching Wanda and Logan, she couldn't believe that Jean was seeing her ex-boyfriend. Not that she still wanted him, but it would be nice if Jean had shown some sisterly solidarity.

She was startled when she heard a voice from the tree above.

Toad's voice floated down. "What's up yo?"

Kitty sighed. "I just can't believe that Lance and Jean are dating."

"Tell me about it." Toad leapt out of the tree and sat beside her. "The girl I love's in there swapping spit with Wolverine."

"Wouldn't it be nice if we could solve both our problems?"

Toad looked thoughtful. "There is one way…"

Kitty frowned at him. "What?"

Toad: _If I had your number_

_         I'd call you on the phone_

_         I'd breathe a little heavy…_

_         Maybe I'd start to groan_

"Toad! That's disgusting!"

Toad: _I don't love you_

_          I'm just a horny Toad_

_         I don't want your money_

_         'Cause I got all I need…_

"But you'd steal it if you could."

Toad: _All I want is to rub your body until you start to bleed…_

"EEEEEEWWW!! What kind of sick pervert are you!?"

Toad: _I don't love you _

_          I'm just a horny Toad_

_          If I had your address_

_         I'd come right to your door…_

"Uh, Toad, you do have my address."

Toad: _I'd knock all day 'til you let me in and then I'd knock some more…_

"Ugh! Toad, that is NASTY."

Toad: _I don't love you_

_          I'm just a horny Toad_

_         If you think I'm nasty_

_        You ain't seen nothing yet_

_        You see_

_        I'm the kinda brother that the more you scream the nastier I get_

_        I can't help it_

_       I'm just a horny Toad_

_        Now watch me dance!_

Kitty watched in disbelief as Todd attempted to do a sexy dance. Surely he wasn't suggesting what she thought he was…

Toad: _Run and tell your boyfriend_

_          His loving has got you bored_

_          Might as well pack his things and get his bad ass on the road_

_         Coz you're livin on a lily pad_

_         With a horny Toad…_

Toad stopped his singing and dancing suddenly and looked vaguely ashamed. "Uh, sorry. Don't know what came over me."

"I should think you are sorry. That was rude!"

"Yeah."

"Still…"

"Yeah?"

"It would show those two a few things…"

"Yeah!"

"I am so gonna regret this…"

"So let's hurry before you change your mind!" Toad scooped her up in his arms and they bounced off into the sunset together.

Song was 'Horny Toad' by Prince/The Artist Formerly Known As Prince/ Bizarre Symbol Dude.


	7. Food for Thought

Thanks to:

StArRy 1233 – Thanks for putting me on your favourites list! Glad you like the revised version.

Steph14Wales – I have seen some Toad/Kitty fics before, but not many. Glad you liked the idea!

Oceanbang – It's more a half a New Recruit couple, but hope you like it! And the couple in this chapter was your idea, thanks for it!

Holly Potter – Pietro wore the leather pants? sigh I'll let you borrow him when the fic is finished. Maybe…

Furygrrl – Innocent? Me? laughs insanely I only heard the Toad song a few days ago and I had to use it!

Southern Goth Gal – Thought it was about time some one appreciated my fave stink-boy!

DemonRogue13 – Thanks for the ideas! One of them gave me a plan for a later chapter…

XME – Strange is good!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And although this song is not offensive, the contents of this chapter may still make you feel ill…

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Back in the mansion, the rec room was getting very rowdy. Fred had broken into the liquor cabinet and the New Recruits were happily drinking Logan's alcohol and planning to blame it on Wanda. Unfortunately for them, they weren't the first people to sneak some of the supply – the Professor had been having a stressful time lately, but had been hoping that Wolverine wouldn't notice if the bottles were topped up with water…

Fred sat on the sturdiest chair in the room, which creaked ominously under his weight. Pietro was sulking in a corner. Rogue and Kurt were looking worriedly at the New Mutants, who were rapidly getting sillier.

"Wanda and Logan," chortled Bobby for the twelfth time. "Oh boy."

"Hot for teacher," giggled Amara, trying to imitate Wanda's bump n' grind dance, tripping over her own feet and falling straight into Fred's lap. "Oh sorry Blob," she grinned, trying to get up.

Pietro ran out of the corner and put one hand on his chest, ready to serenade.

Pietro: _Your cr-_

 Before Amara could stand back up, Fred tightened his arms around her waist.

Fred: _Your lips are milk and honey, oh-oh_

_         Overflowing_

_         You get my juices going_

_         Sweet and tasty…_

"BLOB!" yelled Pietro. "I was _trying_ to sing!"

"And that image is just disturbing," added Rahne.

Fred: _Your love is sweet and tasty, oh-oh_

_         Skin so creamy_

_        Body soft and dreamy_

_        Food for thought_

_        You give me food for thought…_

"Does he equate _everything_ with food?" Rogue asked Pietro.

Pietro panicked. "Uh, yeah, uh, everything, uh yeah."

"Now ah can see how you sweet-talk all the girls. Just babble at them 'til they give in!"

Fred: _Filling me up with your love_

_         I can't control my hands…_

Amara slapped Fred's arm. "Try."

Fred: _Champagne kisses_

_         You give me champagne kisses…_

"Once!" yelled Amara as the others gave her quizzical looks. "One time! I was drunk!"

Fred: _Cool my passion_

_         Slow down my fast reaction_

_         Hot and spicy_

_         Your love is hot and spicy oh-oh…_

"I should hope it's hot and spicy," said Rahne. "She's made of bloody lava!"

Fred: _Something's burning…_

"Oh, sorry," said Amara quickly, changing from her lava form. "Are you scorched anywhere vital?"

Fred: _Down in your life I'm turning_

_         Food for thought_

_        You give me food for thought_

        _Filling me up with your love_

_        I can't control my hands…_

Bobby scowled. "If Logan comes in right now, he'll _cut off_ your hands!"

Fred: _I'll starve without your love_

_         Starve without your love_

_         Something's cooking…_

"Well if you didn't keep grabbing me, I wouldn't keep turning into lava!"

Fred: _I know that something's cooking oh-oh_

_         In your kitchen_

_        I feel my hunger rising _

_        So feed my senses_

_        Come on and feed my senses_

_        I'm not starving_

_       I need a second helping…_

Amara finally managed to stop Fred singing by covering his mouth with hers.

"GAAAAAH!"

"EEEEEEEW!"

"GROSS!"

"Amara!" yelled Roberto in horror. "What is WRONG with you?"

"I've always had a thing for big strong men I can order around!" Amara wrapped her arms around Fred's neck possessively.

"You're into chunky lovers?" Roberto pouted. "No wonder you never came onto me. With my slim hips and razor-sharp wit, I'm the opposite of everything you want."

Pietro averted his eyes from the couple and glanced out of the window. A familiar-looking orb was touching down on the grass.

"Oh no," muttered Pietro. "Could this day get any worse?"

Song is 'Food For Thought' by 10CC


	8. Take It Off

Thanks to:

Oceanbang – Magneto's not gonna appreciate the drunkenness…hee hee!

Maiden Genisis – What can I say? I'm a sick person, lol. Quick update for ya!

Human Lightshow – Hope you got to see chapter 7 and enjoy this one!

Steph14Wales – Glad you liked it! And Magneto has a chapter dedicated to him! YAY!

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Thank you, I'd totally forgotten about Agatha and was stressing about the uneven boy/girl ratio – used your idea for this chapter, thanks for that too!

Furygrrl – guys you can order around are the only type worth having! Gets chased around by gang of men screaming "Sexist!" Joking boys, joking! Just wanted Fred to get some action, he never scores!

Randomnimity – Probably will add slash coz I'm running out of girls…wait n'see!

Southern Goth Gal – I'm updating fast coz I'm afraid of running out of ideas! I'm gonna put in a little more Rietro in the next chapter or two. J

Bobtheheadlesschicken – Sorry, it was too late, but Stormy's gonna get some lovin too! She has too, otherwise the secret of the spiked water will never be revealed!

Holly Potter – Thanks for returning Pietro (not in the leather pants I notice…grrr!). Pietro will be getting a song in the next chapter or two, promise! Think I held out long enough.

XME – Thanks for the compliment!

Disclaimer: How many times need I say this? I don't own the characters, the song or anything worth more than a couple of quid.

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The metal orb settled on the lawn and Magneto stepped out. Pietro sighed and counted to ten. Sure enough, as he finished the count he heard his fathers voice bellowing from Xavier's study.

"Wolverine! Where the HELL have you got your hands!?"

There was a loud crash as Logan was thrown through the wall and into the rec room. The New Recruits all sniggered, except for Fred and Amara, who were otherwise occupied.

Magneto floated ominously into the room and prepared to hurl Logan into another wall. Before he could, Wanda ran through the door and hexed him, negating his powers.

"Stop Father! Logan and I are in love!"

"You're too young to date!" Magneto frowned at the Scarlet Witch and then rounded on Pietro. "And how can you let this happen!"

"Hey," said Pietro quickly. "This isn't MY fault!"

"And she threw herself at me!" insisted Logan, picking himself of the floor. "Hey, who's been in my liquor?"

"Wanda."

"Wanda!"

"Wanda. Not us!"

"Fine school you run here Charles," snorted Magneto. "Your instructor gropes my daughter and all your students are drunk!"

"We're not!" insisted Bobby.

Pietro glanced over at Rogue, who was in fighting stance in case Magneto made a move. God, she looked gorgeous when she was mad. He could feel the tune welling in his throat…

Magneto hadn't noticed his sons puppy love look at the enemy, he was too busy gawping at the sight of Blob and Amara getting rather friendlier than was necessary. "How much have you kids had to drink anyway?"

Pietro: _Sitting he-_

Rahne: _I'm on my second drink_

_ But I've had a few before_

_ I'm trying hard to think_

_ And I think that I want you on the floor_

_ Uh-huh yeah_

_ On the floor…_

Rahne morphed into wolf form and leapt at Magneto. His powers still negated by Wanda, he toppled backwards and fell flat on his back. Rahne turned back into human guise, sitting on Magnetos chest.

Rahne: _Come on and take it off_

Jubilee: _Take it off!_

Rahne: _Come on take it off baby for me_

_ Come on and break it off_

Jubilee: _Break it off!_

Rahne: _Coz I get what I want _

_ And I like what I see…_

Rahne yanked Magneto' helmet off, revealing his terrified face. Logan glared at the display. "And ya callin ME a pervert?"

"Wanda!" yelled Magneto desperately. "Release my powers!"

"No way," said Wanda smugly. "This looks like true love to me and I'm not letting you screw it up again!"

Rahne: _Need your love 1, 2, 3_

_ Stop starin at my D cup…_

Rogue snorted. "If she's a D cup, then ah'm a cheerleader."

Rahne: _Don't waste time_

_ Just give it to me_

_ C'mon baby just feel me up_

_ C'mon just give it up…_

Rahne began wiggling her hips on Magnetos chest and unhooked his cape, throwing it across the room. Magneto couldn't get up, too frozen with panic.

"You heard the werewolf," said Pietro smugly. "Feel her up! You'll never get a chance like this again at your age!"

Rahne: _Come on and take it off_

Jubilee: _Take it off!_

Rahne: _Come on take it off baby for me_

_ Come on and break it off_

Jubilee: _Break it off!_

Rahne: _Coz I get what I want _

_ And I like what I see…_

Professor Xavier rolled into the room to see the innocent Scottish teen tearing at Magneto's clothes and Wanda using her powers to freeze his magnetism with one hand, the other groping Logan's pert buttocks. With a sigh, he headed straight for the alcohol.

Rahne: _Forget the application_

_ You're the right guy for the task…_

"WHAT task?" asked Magneto, his voice little more than a squeak.

Rahne: _Let me take you on vacation…_

"She wants you to meet her parents," said Bobby with a snigger.

Rahne: _Just do it_

_You don't have to ask… _

Rahne sat back suddenly, realising she was perched on the chest of the X-Men's archenemy. "Uh, I dinnae just do that, did I?"

"Ripped half his clothes off," sniggered Roberto. "Practically _scared_ the pants off him!"

"Wanda. Sweetie." Magneto's voice was imploring. "Could you PLEASE let Daddy have his powers back?"

"Nope," replied Wanda defiantly. "Not until you celebrate our love! Or at least stop trying to kill my boyfriend!"

"Fine," growled Magneto. "But if Logan gets to date a teenager, then so do I!" With that, he pulled Rahne down and planted a smooch on her.

"Oh Erik," she sighed. "You're arms are so strong!"

Rogue looked disturbed and turned to Pietro. "The worst thing is that's not the most frightening sight I've seen today."

Pietro just pouted. "I STILL didn't get to do my song! I'm never gonna score."

Song is 'Take It Off' by The Donnas.


	9. I Ran

Thanks to:

Holly Potter – Givin ya what you want sis…sort of.

XME – The story's giving me nightmares too! If I don't get it all out, I may never sleep again…glad you like!

Steph14Wales – How much more evil can I be to Pietro? Uh, very! Will he ever score? Ha ha ha, wait n' see!

DemonRogue13 – Yeah, I'm disturbed! Glad you liked it!

Maiden Genisis – Glad you like! I don't know that song; I'll check it out though!

Oceanbang – Hope you like this couple and song! Thanks!

Randomnimity – I've not stopped holding out yet…and they're two VERY bizarre couples, I will use at least one of them! Thanks for the ideas!

The song idea comes from Bobtheheadlesschicken – thank you!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am poor.

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Completely depressed by his inability to get more than two or three lyrics out, Pietro went back to the Brotherhood house to watch some TV. He sped into the living room, screamed girlishly at the sight that was Toad and Kitty canoodling on the couch and ran back towards the Institute. What the rest of his family and friends were up to was bad, but some sights were just too much.

As he approached the mansion, he noticed Rogue wandering up to the gates. He stopped running and strolled nonchalantly towards her. "Hi Rogue!"

"Uh…hi Pietro." Rogue looked around shiftily. "Well, gotta go!"

"Wait!" Pietro didn't see anyone around to interrupt him. "I've got something to say – uh, sing to you!"

"Can it wait…?"

Pietro: _I walked along the avenue_

_ I never thought I'd meet a girl like you_

_ Meet a girl like you…_

"Actually…"

Pietro: _With auburn hair and tawny eyes…_

"I don't think my hair's…"

Pietro: _The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through _

_ Hypnotize me through_

_ And I ran_

_ I ran so far away_

_ I just ran_

_ I ran all night and day…_

"You do that anyway."

Pietro: _I couldn't get away_

_ Reached out a hand to touch your face…_

"No don't! I need to tell you…"

Pietro: _You're slowly disappearing from my view _

_ Disappearing from my view…_

"Look Pietro," said Rogue nervously. "There's something you should know…"

Pietro:_ Reached out a hand to try again_

_ I'm floating in a beam of light with you_

_ A beam of light with you…_

"I have to tell you something! Will you stop singing at me!"

Pietro: _And I ran_

_ I ran so far away_

_ I just ran_

_ I ran all night and day_

_ I couldn't get away…_

"WILL YOU STOP SINGING AND LISTEN TO ME!"

"Uh…sorry?" Pietro looked hurt. "It's just, I've been trying to tell you about how I feel all day…"

"For Gods sake, you pathetic fool! I'm not Rogue!"

Rogue began to change, growing taller, her skin turning blue…

"GAAAAAAH! MYSTIQUE!"

"Obviously. I just disguised myself as Rogue to find out why every mutant in town's started singing at the slightest provocation! I must say I'm surprised at you little crush. What would your father say?"

"Not much at the moment, he's got a mouth full of werewolf!"

Pietro took advantage of Mystiques confusion to flee into the Institute, cursing his luck. He managed to sing a love song to the Goth of his dreams and it wasn't even her!

Deciding that she couldn't possibly be known as the singing terrorist – it gave her away too easily for one thing – Mystique followed Pietro into the mansion.

Song is 'I Ran' by A Flock of Seagulls


	10. Dirty Dreams

Thanks to:

Holly Potter – Pietro will get another song before the end of the fic, don't worry!

Oceanbang – I wanted him to get something out, but I'm holding out on the poor guy for a while yet, hahahaha!

XME – You've got to let me know the name of the Rogue/Risty fic, that sounds like the most embarrassing thing!

DemonRogue13- Pietro will get a break – but not just yet, hahahaha!

Steph14Wales – Yeah, I'm evil and Pietro torment is fun!

Southern Goth Gal – He'll think twice before singing again…thanks Witch-Child!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – I missed the second verse coz I couldn't think of any interjections – I thought the song was perfect for Pietro but I didn't want him to sing to Rogue just yet.

Furygrrl – FF.Net did that to me the other day too, but I got it now (and for 'Manipulating' too, thanks!) I hadn't noticed all the May-December pairings…I guess this is cheaper than therapy though! BTW, I got the first chapter of  'The Genesis Strain' and I loved it! I'll send you a proper review when I get the chance.

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Thanks for the song! That is so much better than the one I was gonna use for those two, look for the chapter coming up soon!

Randomnimity – I will be continuing the Pie-torture for a while yet! Whether or not he sings to any false Rogues is yet to be decided…

Childrenwithblades – Things will get spicy, in a PG-13 kinda way. Unless I up the rating of course!

Disclaimer: I must have deja-moo, coz I've said this bullshit before.

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"What's up with you?" Rogue asked Pietro as he dashed back into the rec room.

"Mystique-was-outside-and-she's headed-this-way!"

"What do you want, _mother_?" said Kurt as Mystique wandered into the rec room.

"I've just been walking down the street singing 'I'm blue, bah-da-da-dee-da-da-da' and I want to know why!"

"We've all been singing Raven," said the Professor calmly.

"Or joining in," muttered Pyro grumpily.

Logan frowned. "Uh, how long have the Acolytes been here?"

"You didn't notice the seven-foot metal guy in the corner?" Wanda grinned. "Must have been preoccupied!"

"We decided to find out what was going on when Gambit woke us up singing 'The Ace Of Spades'," explained Pyro. "But we made Sabretooth wait outside!"

"That's not important," said Mystique angrily. "What's behind this?"

"We, uh, don't know yet," lied Storm.

"And why is that girl licking Magneto?"

"Long story." Pietro hoped Mystique wouldn't tell anyone he'd sung to her, but the look she was giving him didn't raise his hopes. The only thing that could stop her was if he got there first – with a song…

Pietro: _Oh for-_

Piotr: _I wake up burning in a soaking sweat_

_            The pillows are dripping and the sheets are wet_

_            I jump out of bed and I turn on the light_

_            This happens to me every night…_

"That's terrible!" said Gambit. "Remy have de room next to his!"

"For Gods sake!" Pietro yelled. "I was singing! Why must you all interrupt me!"

Piotr was looking like he couldn't quite believe what he was doing. He stomped out of the corner, grabbed Mystique by the hand and pulled her into his chest.

Piotr: _Sometimes you turn into a snake with long black hair_

_            Then you turn into an angel blonde and fair_

_            You can turn yourself blue and I don't care…_

"Isn't she already blue?" whispered Pyro.

"Yes," replied Gambit. "Shut up. This is great blackmail material!"

Piotr: _You can change your looks_

_            You can change your race_

_            But it's always your touch _

_            And always your face…_

"Let GO of me, you big metal…"

Mystique struggled in vain. Piotr spun her around and pulled her close again.

Piotr: _Dirty dreams_

_            How you wanna do me?_

"I don't!" yelled Mystique. "I have too many kids already!"

Piotr: _Dirty dreams_

_            Let me get through_

_            Dirty dreams _

_            A triple X-rated movie_

_            Starring me and you…_

"WAIT!" yelled Pyro. "If you're making that kind of film, wait 'til we get the camcorder!"

"You told us you didn't like that kind of film," added Gambit.

Piotr: _Well I close my eyes and you open your lips_

_            There's a shock from my head to my fingertips…_

"In your dreams!" yelled Mystique, struggling against Poitr's chest.

"Well duh," said Rogue, almost in tears laughing at the look on the woman's face. "That's what the song's about!"

Piotr: _I fall through a hole coz I can't get a grip_

_            The room starts to spin and the world starts to turn_

_            My heart catches fire and the bed starts to burn…_

"One time!" objected Pyro. "And I didn't know you had a date!"

Piotr: _Dirty dreams_

_            How you wanna do me _

_            Dirty dreams_

_            Anything for you babe_

_            Dirty dreams_

_            Technicolor movie starring me and you_

_            Make my dreams come true…_

Piotr picked Mystique up and carried her toward the door. "Ve go back to da Acolyte base and make da love now! Colossus feel the urge to sing to blue lady, I must be in love!"

"Do any of the Acolytes speak in the first person?" asked Logan irritably.

"Well…" Mystique thought about it for a moment. "All my children have abandoned me, it might be nice to try again."

"NOOOOO!" yelled Rogue and Kurt simultaneously.

"YES!" beamed Piotr. "Ve live on farm in Russia, have many children! Blue lady can be terrorist in spare time!"

Pyro and Gambit watched their teammate carry Mystique out of the mansion. Gambit frowned thoughtfully. "If singing works, then Remy will try it!"

Song is 'Dirty Dreams' by Alice Cooper


	11. I'm A Creep

Thanks to:

XME – Thanks for the link! I had a look, how embarrassing would THAT situation be!?

Crazyspaceystracey – Glad you like it!

XEvo Chick – Glad you like it! I'm actually a Tonda fan, but I wanted to do something different.

Southern Goth Gal – Hee hee! I butchered Piotr's accent pretty well eh? Looking forward to your update! You know what a Rietro nut I am :)

Randomnimity – There will be Remy torture soon! But I needed to get this chapter up first, I just liked the idea.

DemonRogue13 – If you thought that was disturbing…read on!

Crimson Lipstick – Glad I could make you laugh!

Childrenwithblades – It's a pairing I've never seen before either and I'd like to take the credit for the idea, but sadly I can't.

Special thanks to:

Steph14Wales – I love writing Pyro lines, he's so obsessed! Gonna put up the Pyro chap in a couple of days.

Holly Potter – Piotr as Rogue's step-dad, NOOOO! I will have Rogue sing something soon, to make up for the lack of Rietro in this chapter…Sorry.

And thanks to anyone who tried to review and couldn't – FF.net was being stubborn yesterday. So yesterday's chapter is up today and today's is up tomorrow. You get the picture!

I forgot to say – the idea for Piotr/Mystique came from Randomnimity, as does the pairing here. Thanks for the ideas!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Kurt, Jubilee, Bobby, Sam and Ray had decided that watching everyone making out was just too disturbing and had gone outside for a respite. Bobby was amusing himself by posting bumper stickers on Magnetos orb – the biggest announced 'Mutants Do It In Spandex!' – when Kurt called out "Hey guys! It's Evan!"

"And Callisto and Caliban?" Jubilee frowned at the strange trio heading their way. "Since when do those guys come out during the day?"

"We heard that," said Callisto grumpily. "We've come because something strange is happening to the Morlocks…"

"Don't tell me," said Bobby. "They've been singing at each other?"

"It's not pretty," said Evan. "We thought the professor could…uh, Caliban? Caliban!"

Caliban, looking slightly less gloomy than usual, was gazing at Jubilee.

"What/" she said, whipping a mirror out of her pocket. "Do I have lipstick on my teeth?"

Caliban: _When you were before_

_              Couldn't look you in the eye_

_              You're jussst like an angel_

_              Your ssskin makes me cry…_

"I knew it!" exclaimed Jubilee, still looking in her mirror. "It's my pores, isn't it?"

Caliban: _You float like a feather_

_              In a beautiful world…_

"Really?" Jubilee looked delighted. "You don't think this jacket makes me look fat?"

"Uh, Jubes, HELLO!" Bobby tried to get her attention. "This is Caliban. Caliban the sun-dodger?

Caliban: _You're ssso fuckin ssspecial_

_              I wish I wasss ssspecial_

_              But I'm a creep…_

Jubilee took his hand. "Oh Caliban! You're not!"

Caliban: _I'm a weirdo…_

"Well, uh…OK, you are that."

Caliban: _What the hell am I doing here…?_

Evan tapped him on the shoulder. "We came to STOP the singing, remember?"

Caliban: _I don't belong here…_

"Damn right!" Bobby glared at Caliban. Why hadn't he thought of a self-depreciating number to sing for her?

Caliban: _I don't care if it hurts_

_              I wanna have control_

_              I want a perfect body_

_              I want a perfect sssoul_

_              I want you to notice_

_              When I'm not around…_

"I notice when you ARE around," said Jubilee hopefully.

Caliban: _You're so fuckin ssspecial_

_              I wish I wasss ssspecial_

_              But I'm a creep_

_              I'm a weirdo_

_              What the hell am I doing here?_

_              I don't belong here_

_              Oh-ooh…_

"Oh no," murmured Evan. "He's aiming for the high notes!"

"That's a high note?" Kurt shook his head.

Caliban: _Whatever makes you happy_

_              Whatever you want…_

"It would make me happy if you got a tan and a toupee," replied Jubilee.

Caliban: _You're so fuckin ssspecial_

_              I wish I wasss ssspecial_

_              But I'm a creep_

_              I'm a weirdo_

_              What the hell am I doing here?_

_              I don't belong here_

              _I don't belong here…_

"You do!" Jubilee threw her arms around Caliban, who didn't change his stoic expression. "You belong with me!" She began smothering his pale face with kisses, much to the horror of those watching.

"Let's leave them to it," said Evan with a grimace. "We need to find out how to end the madness before anyone else begins singing!"

"Before you go," said Caliban. "Where'sss the nearessst wig shop?"

Song is 'Creep' by Radiohead.


	12. Notice Me

Thanks to:

XME – Thanks for the evil laugh!

Southern Goth Gal – for the weirdest pairing I ever came up with is in the next chapter and this one has Rietro (coz I know ya love it!)

Ellen – Here's a bit of Rietro and I have a girl for Bobby – BWAHAHAHA!!

XEvo Chick – You're right about comic Tonda (and she got stalked by Mastermind too, she attracts more weirdo's than I do, lol!). But Evo Toad is sooo adorable. See the next chapter for another nightmare inducing couple and Bobby will get some sugar at some point…

Holly Potter – Rietro!! Here it is! I'll E-mail you the address with the link, I forgot last night {hangs head in shame}

The Son Of Logan And Ororo – I will be using that couple and the song you told me about, plus the Ozzy song (not the Nazareth). I'd already written up the next chapter before I got your review, but I am using it for Kurt's love connection!

Randomnimity – Pyro will be chapter – uh, let's see, this is 12 so Pyro will be chapter 15! Hope you like these in the meantime.

AriKitten – I love putting together disturbing pairings…the next chapter features the most frightening yet!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – Not the first time I've been compared to the Energiser Bunny (dirty laugh)…OK, it is.

Steph14Wales – It was the wig shop or the tanning salon, lol! Rietro here and another random couple next…

Human Lightshow – Don't worry about the review probs, I had them too! Glad you like the chapters and there will be a cure – I'll let them have it when I'm done tormenting them!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the straightjacket in the cupboard in case of one of my little 'episodes'.

AUTHOR NOTE: I am posting two chapters today! This is the first and isn't actually humorous. This is the Rietro chapter for everyone who demanded it (you know who you are!). The next chapter contains all the humour and will remind you of just how warped I am…

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The thought that Piotr might actually become her stepfather had disturbed Rogue so much that decided to leave the rec room for a while and grab a glass of water from the kitchen and maybe some aspirin. The rapidly evolving love lives of her teammates were giving her a headache.

_Practically everyone's found love today,_ she thought gloomily as she washed down some Ibuprofen with a few swigs of water. _Except for me, of course. And a couple of Acolytes. And Pietro._

The urge to vocalise was upon her before she even realised what was about to happen.

Rogue: _Here's the story of a girl_

_ Livin in a lonely world_

_ A hidden note_

_ A secret crush_

_ A little boy who talks too much_

_ Well, I'm standin in the crowd_

_ And when you smile I check you out_

_ But you don't even know my name_

_ You're too busy playin games_

_ And I want you to know_

_ If you lose your way _

_ I won't let you go…_

Glancing out of the window, Rogue frowned. Was that Caliban and Jubilee making out? That was almost as bad as her singing a song from a Disney film. Speaking of which…

Rogue: _If I cut my hair_

_ If I change my clothes_

_ Will you notice me?_

_ If I bite my lip_

_ If I say hello_

_ Will you notice me?_

_ What's it gonna take for you to see_

_ To get you to notice me…_

Evan and Callisto ran into the kitchen, looking worried. Apparently the thought of Jubilee and Caliban had disturbed them as well.

"Rogue," said Evan urgently. "Where's the Professor? We need to speak to him right now!"

Rogue: _You got your head up in the clouds_

_ Tell me when you're comin down_

_ I don't wanna sink your ship_

_ It's not about the scholarship_

_ And all the friends that follow you_

_ They tell you things that just ain't true_

_ I'm the girl you never see_

_ I'm the one you really need_

_ Oh don't get me wrong_

_ You better make your move before the moment's gone…_

Callisto frowned. "Who's she singing to?"

"Who knows?" Evan waved his hand in front of Rogues face. "Hey, snap out of it! Stop singing!"

Rogue looked at him with a bemused look on her face, but instead of stopping, she put a hand on her chest and threw the other arm out theatrically.

Rogue: _If I cut my hair_

_ If I change my clothes_

_ Will you notice me?_

_ If I bite my lip_

_ If I say hello_

_ Will you notice me?_

_ What's it gonna take for you to see_

_ To get you to notice me…_

"It's not just the Morlocks then," said Evan.

"I think Caliban chose a better song," muttered Callisto.

Rogue: _I'm not like the rest_

_ I don't care if you're the best_

_ You see it's all the same to me_

_ You just be who you wanna be_

_ It's all the same to me_

_ Oh don't get me wrong_

_ You better make your move before the moment's gone…_

"We're gonna get no sense outta her," said Evan crossly. "I bet the others are in the rec room. Let's go talk to them."

The pair walked out of the kitchen, leaving Rogue to her singing. Evan was vaguely annoyed that he didn't have a camcorder. The blackmail opportunity of a lifetime and he had no way to record it!

Song is 'Notice Me' by Zetta Bytes


	13. You Can Just

Disclaimer: Insert humorous way of saying I own nothing here.

AUTHOR NOTE: This chapter is the reason I have changed the rating to an R. If you are easily offended, please skip this chapter. If you choose to read on, you may need many years of therapy to recover from the experience.

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Callisto and Evan went into the rec room, not quite believing the sight that they were greeted with. Amara was still sat on Fred's knee, making out in a PG-13 kinda way. Magneto was lying on the floor while Rahne chewed playfully on his neck. Gambit and Pyro were heading out of the room to look for girls to sing to. Wanda was pulling Logan from the room by his pants, while a dishevelled-looking Jean and Lance had just returned. Pietro was looking around in confusion for Rogue, and the Professor was wrestling with Beast for control of the whisky.

"If I'd known this kind of thing was gonna happen, I would never have left," said Evan.

"Evan! You're back!" Storm hugged him joyfully.

"Temporarily. It's mayhem in the tunnels! If anyone else sings 'Deeper Underground' I'm gonna scream! What's the sitch?"

"We, uh, don't know yet." Storm glared at Beast. "For goodness sake, get him away from the alcohol!"

"He's surprisingly strong, y'know!" grumbled the Beast as the Professor won custody of the bottle and cradled it to his chest.

"And surprisingly handsome too…" mused Callisto, shooting the Professor an admiring glance.

"Oh no. No. No. No." Pietro saw his chances to do a song growing ever slimmer as Callisto shimmied up to Professor Xavier.

Callisto: _Some girls they like candy_

_ And others they like to grind_

_ I'll settle for the back of your hand somewhere on my behind…_

The Professor gazed up at her in confusion. "Uh, what?"

Callisto: _Treat me like I'm a bad girl _

_ Even when I'm being good to you_

_ I don't want you to thank me_

_ You can just – spank me…_

"He can just WHAT?" yelled Evan in horror.

Callisto turned her back to the Professor and began waving her butt in his face. Beast took the opportunity to snatch back the whisky.

Callisto: _Some guys they like to sweet talk_

_ And others they like to tease_

_ Tie my hands behind my back and ooh I'm in ecstasy…_

Pietro bolted from the room, terrified by the image that had risen unbidden into his mind.

Callisto: _Don't slobber me with kisses_

_ I can get that from my sisters…_

Beast perked up slightly. "Sisters?"

Callisto: _Before you get too cranky_

_ You'd better like hanky-panky…_

Storm: _Hanky-panky!_

"Auntie O!" yelled Evan. "Stop encouraging her!"

Callisto: _Nothing like a good spanky…_

Storm: _Spanky!_

"Auntie O!"

Callisto: _Don't take out your handkerchief_

_ I don't wanna cry_

_ I just wanna hanky-panky_

_ Like hanky-panky…_

Storm: _Hanky-panky!_

Callisto: _Nothing like a good spanky…_

Storm: _Spanky!_

"Auntie O! STOP IT!"

Callisto: _Don't take out your handkerchief_

_ I don't wanna cry_

_ I just wanna hanky-panky guy…_

Callisto began grinding her ass inches from the Professors nose. Xavier began to feel uncomfortably warm. How did she know about the contents of his closet?

Callisto: _Please don't call a doctor_

_ Coz there's nothing wrong with me…_

"Damn!" cursed the Beast.

"Oh shut up," returned Ororo. "You're not a doctor anyway."

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Would you two SHUT UP!" yelled the Professor. "You're killing the mood!"

Callisto: _I just like things a little rough and you'd better not disagree_

_ Coz I don't like a big softy…_

"No problems there," replied the Professor weakly.

Callisto: _I like some one mean and bossy…_

"No problems there either," muttered Evan.

Callisto: _Let me speak to you frankly_

_ You'd better like hanky-panky…_

Storm: _Hanky-panky!_

"You can stop it now Auntie O!"

Callisto: _Nothing like a good spanky…_

Storm: _Spanky!_

"Quit it already!"

Callisto: _Don't take out your handkerchief_

_ I don't wanna cry_

_ I just wanna hanky-panky guy_

_ Ooh yeah_

_ That's interesting_

_ My bottom hurts just thinking about it…_

The Professor managed to stop the singing by leaning forward and belting Callisto across the ass. She jumped and spun around, eye blazing…then grinned and leapt onto Xavier's lap.

"I've been a bad girl," she told him.

"Then I've got something in my closet to show you." The Professor wheeled himself and Callisto out of the room, running a wheel over Rahne's tail. She yelped and bit rather too hard on Magneto's nipple. The Professor, who was enjoying Callisto removing his top, ignored the screams. The rest of the mutants grimaced, save for Amara and Fred, who hadn't noticed a thing.

Song is 'Hanky-Panky' by Madonna.


	14. My Chere Amour

Thanks to:

Randomnimity – I love traumatising Evan, he deserves it!

Carla-p – I danced to it once too (hides head in shame!)

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Thank you! I'm putting up your desired couple chapter after next!

Holly Potter – Glad you liked the Rietro and I promise there will be a smooch!

Rage-girl-05 – The Prof keeps a selection of whips in his closet. Or so it was insinuated…I've not seen the film (not released here yet) but I heard the song and thought it fit.

Crimson Lipstick - Scott and Tabby will be coming downstairs shortly! And Pietro will get his chance…

Furygrrl – You win, you're more disturbed (sulks)! Hope you like this couple (not the scariest, but just wait!)

DemonRogue13 – I was dropped on my head as a child. Repeatedly. Glad you liked them!

Xevo Chic – Sorry about your therapy bills. Pyro next chapter! YAY!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Gambit and Pyro wandered back to the rec room, having found no unattached girls anywhere in the mansion. Remy was cursing his luck, especially when he saw the Professor rolling down the corridor with a woman sat on his knee and nuzzling his neck.

"Dat should have been Remy!" he grumbled.

"She's only got one eye Gambit!" Pyro glanced around the rec room. Magneto was being dragged out of the room by a wolf, Fred and Amara had departed for a more private area, Evan, Storm and Beast were contemplating the situation and Lance and Jean had given up trying to work out what had gone on while they were upstairs and had gone back to their make-out session.

"Even de mullet man getting some action!" Remy leant against the wall and pouted.

"Hello?" called a voice in the corridor. "Where is everyone?"

"In the rec room!" yelled Storm, then turned to Beast. "Why do we bother with all the hi-tech security when anyone can just walk in here?"

Danielle Moonstar walked into the rec room and blinked on confusion at the scene. "What's that wolf doing to that man?"

"Long story." Storm tried to smile reassuringly at the girl. "How can we help you Danielle?"

"I thought I'd better tell the Professor about what I saw near the reservoir last night."

Evan looked interested. "What did you –?"

"I'm sure it'll wait until the Professors finished," interrupted Storm.

"Oh?" Danielle looked interested. "What's he doing?"

Rogue ran into the room, looking worried. "We better go find Callisto, ah can hear her yelling! Sounds like she's hurt!"

"You do not wanna do that _chere_, she's just a little…tied up." Gambit looked over at Danielle with interest. "Hasn't Remy seen you around here before?"

"What do you mean?" asked Rogue.

Pietro ran back into the room, relieved to notice that the spanking dance had finished. Rogue turned to him and put her hands on her hips. "What's goin on around here? Where's the Professor? Do you know?"

Pietro backed off. "It's just too…the thing is…_Oh shit not again!_"

"What are you talking about?"

Pietro: _Shoulda kno-_

Remy: _La la la la la la la la la la la la_

_ La la la la la la la la la la la la_

"Bloody hell mate!" Pyro stared at Gambit in horror. "You sound like Michael Jackson!"

Gambit took Danielle's hand and gazed into her eyes.

Remy: _My chere amour_

_ Lovely as a summer's day_

_ My chere amour_

_ Distant as the Milky Way_

_ My chere amour_

_ Pretty little one that I adore_

_ You're the only girl my heart leaps for_

_ How I wish that you were mine…_

Danielle giggled, moving closer to Gambit. Pyro whipped out a pen and paper and began to draft a letter of resignation. No way he was staying with the Acolytes after they'd all gone insane and started singing at everyone.

Remy: _In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street   
I've been near you but you never notice me   
Oh chere amour won't you tell me how could you ignore   
Back behind this little smile I wore   
How I wished that you were mine…_

"Dear Buckethead." Pyro chewed thoughtfully on the end of his biro. "People call me insane, but even I have to draw the line somewhere…"

Remy: _My chere amour...   
My chere amour...   
Maybe some day you'll see my face among the crowd.   
Maybe some day you'll share your little distant cloud…_

"Your plans for mutant domination were fun, but I regret to inform you that I find your attempts to get laid a little…what's a good word? Distasteful. Yeah, distasteful."

Remy: _Oh chere amour pretty little one that I adore   
You're the only girl my heart leaps for   
How I wish that you were mine…_

"I am leaving the Acolytes in order to pursue my dreams of writing for Mills and Boon. Yours Sincerely, St John Allerdyce. There, I'll stick it to the orb while he's busy with the she-wolf."

Remy: _La la la la la la la la la la la la_

_ La la la la la la la la la la la la…_

"That was soooo romantic," sighed Danielle. "I feel exactly the same way, uh…"

"Remy."

"Remy. Oh Remy, I love you too!"

Remy and Danielle embraced and began smooching, Remy sliding a hand down for a surreptitious feel of her rear.

"Hey Maximoff," said Evan with a smirk. "Weren't you trying to sing something?"

Pietro glared at the couple in the centre of the room. "The moments gone."

"Oh come on Pietro," said Lance encouragingly. "You've been trying to get a song out ever since this morning when you told us about your crush on…"

"Oh stick Jeans tongue in it." Pietro put his nose in the air and sulked.

Song is 'My Chere Amour' by the Jackson 5. Please don't flame me for having the delectable Remy LeBeau sing something so lame.


	15. Hot Stuff!

Thanks to:

Xevo Chic – It occurred to me about half way through that she wouldn't know his name. Pyro this chapter!

Steph14Wales – "Put Jeans tongue in it!" was probably my fave line from the chapter!

Southern Goth Gal – Pyro hyper and cute here! And if Toad keeps chasing you, I've found that hexing him into the wall gives short-term relief…;)

The Son of Logan and Ororo – I nearly forgot about her as well, but I was running out of girls! Some real barrel-scraping going on later…your suggestion next chapter!

Holly Potter – Promise the Rietro will happen and be ultra-cute!

DemonRogue13 – If you can't beat 'em, join 'em…Pyro learns that lesson here!

Demon Maiden – Bad girl, reading me at work, lol…I'm glad you liked and fanfic is so much more enjoyable than working!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, save the brain medicine that is supposed to cure me of the thoughts that fuel this fic…

00000000000000000000000000000

Scott and Tabby decided to reappear in the rec room, Tabby looking smug and Scott sporting love bites all over his neck. Scott was rather concerned to see Remy and Dani smooching in the centre of the room, but quickly forgot about it.

"Where's the Professor?" he asked.

"You don't wanna know! NONE of you wanna know!" Pietro looked so agitated that Scott decided not to ask again.

Pyro looked up from his writing. "Do any of you have an envelope?"

"Sure." Scott produced the envelope he kept in his back pocket in case of emergencies like this. Pyro put his letter of resignation inside, sealed it and addressed it to Magneto.

"I'm outta here," he announced.

There was a sudden noise like metal slicing through wood and half the ceiling collapsed. Jean sighed. "What with the Logan-shaped hole in the wall and the lack of roof, it's gonna be a long time before we can watch TV in here again."

X23 jumped through the hole in the ceiling and landed on top of Evan, but she recovered quickly.

"Can't you learn to use a door?" asked Rogue.

"Too easy," replied X23. "Where's Logan?"

"In bed with my sister," growled Pietro. "Who's she and why does she talk like Angelica from Rugrats?"

"She's Logan's clone, so I'd watch my mouth if I were you," Rogue told him.

"I need to see Logan," said X23 urgently. "I was just dissecting small animals in the woods behind the mansion when I started singing an ode to a bluebird! It's killing my image."

"At least you got to do a song," muttered Pietro darkly.

Storm stepped over to her. "We're working on it child…"

"I'm not a child!" X23 glared at the woman. "You know, I have needs too. I'm a woman goddamn!"

Pietro tried to get the attention of the room. "Can I just sing something before she starts…"

X23: _Sitting here eating my heart out waiting_

_ Waiting for some lover to call…_

"Too late." Pietro sat in a chair and folded his arms grumpily.

X23: _Dialled about a thousand numbers lately_

_ Almost rang the phone off the wall…_

"Since when does she have a phone?" asked Rogue.

X23:_ Looking for some hot stuff baby this evening…_

Pyro perked up. "I'm hot stuff!"

X23: _I need hot stuff baby tonight___

_ I need some hot stuff baby tonight  
I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'  
Gotta have some hot stuff  
Gotta have some love tonight  
Hot stuff  
I need hot stuff  
I want some hot stuff  
I need hot stuff…_

"I'm hot stuff!" Pyro produced his lighter and formed a parade of flaming, dancing hearts around X23s head. She slashed at them with her claws, to no avail.

X23: _Lookin' for a lover who needs another  
Don't want another night on my own  
Wanna share my love with a warm blooded lover  
Wanna bring a wild man back home…_

"You can help me write the sex scenes!" Pyro went into fits of delights, the flames around X23 transforming into flowers. "Wow, Buckethead said I'd learn a few things, but I wasn't expecting to be seduced by a teenager!"

"Uh, Pyro, HELLO!" yelled Pietro. "She's Wolverines clone!"

X23: _Gotta have some hot love baby this evenin'  
I need some hot stuff baby tonight  
I want some hot stuff baby this evenin'  
Gotta have some lovin'  
Gotta have love tonight  
I need hot stuff  
Hot love  
Looking for hot love…_

"Look at me!" Pyro began jumping around in front of X23, waving his arms. "I'm hot stuff! I'm a warm-blooded lover! LOOK AT ME!"

"Uh, I think she noticed," murmured Rogue as X23 approached Pyro and began dancing with him, grinding suggestively against him.

X23: _Hot, hot, hot, hot stuff_

_ Hot, hot, hot  
Hot, hot, hot, hot stuff  
Hot, hot, hot  
How's about some hot stuff baby this evenin'  
I need some hot stuff baby tonight  
Gimme little hot stuff baby this evenin'  
Hot stuff baby  
Gonna need your love tonight  
Hot stuff  
I need hot love  
Lookin' hot stuff  
Wanna have hot love…_

X23 grabbed Pyro around the neck and laid a wet kiss on him.

"EEEEEEEWWW!" Scott grimaced. "That's disgusting! She's underage!"

X23 broke off the kiss. "I'm 16!"

"I thought you were 14?"

"Well I'm not!" X23 went back to smooching with Pyro. Scott looked puzzled for a moment, then decided not to worry about it and sat down. Tabby jumped on his knee and put her hand up his shirt.

"What's your name?" asked Pyro, a touch breathless.

"I don't have one. People call me X23."

"Can I call you Sheila?"

"That's such a cliché, no!"

"Well, we'll think of something." The pair went back to their liplock.

Rogue grinned nervously. "That's everyone in the room kissing except you and me Pietro. Oh, and Storm and Beast of course."

"Not gonna happen," said Storm quickly.

"Damn!" growled Beast.

"You forgot about me," said Evan, recovering from his squishing at the hands – or rather feet – of X23.

Pietro glared at him. "Thing is Daniels – NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!"


	16. Electric Intercourse

Thanks to:

Arikitten – I wasn't planning on the Evan-bashing, it just kinda happened…and it's FUN!

Southern Goth Gal – Thanks sis! Having a cool time writing it and I hope you like this chapter too!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – I struggled for a while to think of a love interest for Angel, but I just this minute thought of one! So you get your wish!

Xevo Chic – Nah, she's at least 12, ;) Evan will get some attention, but not 'til the end!

Holly Potter – I know who Evan will be kissing, but it's a secret! Rietro will be in chapter 20, can you wait that long? It's only 4 days!

Furygrrl – I'm having to really rack my brains for more pairings, but some of them have caused me to squeal (or grimace in disgust) a few times! X23 looks the type to torment the fluffy things and Pietro and Evan will be tormenting each other for  while yet…

Randomnimity – Maybe I can make your month with this one! And the Evan bashing is great fun.

XME: Your net broke? God, I'd die (lol). Glad you liked! Pyro's letter was good fun to write.

Rage-girl-05 – It is a pretty gross thought! I'm supposed to be getting help for it…

The pairing and song in this chapter are courtesy of The Son of Logan and Ororo. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own the character or the songs they use.

                                    0000000000000000000000000000000000

Sam, Ray, Kurt and Bobby went back into the rec room, having given up trying to talk Jubilee out of her plan to take Caliban to the tanning salon. Kurt frowned at the hole in the ceiling. "Vot happened?"

"X23," replied Rogue. "She just left – with Pyro."

"Eeeewwww!" Sam looked ill.

"So the Professor hasn't work out what's going on then?" asked Bobby.

"He's busy," said Pietro. "Don't ask what he's doing. Please don't ask!"

"We don't know what's going on," said Storm. "_Do we Beast_?"

"No." Beast looked irritated. "No idea."

"Can everyone pay attention to me for am minute?" Pietro sped into the centre of the room and cleared his throat.

"Oh no, not again!" Storm glanced at the others. "Can some one stop him? I don't even know who he's trying to sing to…although it's probably me."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," said Ray flirtatiously.

"Just let the boy sing his song!" Rogue gave Pietro an encouraging smile. "Go on, let's hear it."

Pietro: _I got my –_

Ray: _I feel some kinda love for you_

_        I don't know your name…_

"It's Ororo," said Sam helpfully.

Pietro scowled. "No one takes me seriously!"

Ray: _This is the kind of love that takes two_

_        I want you and I'm not ashamed…_

"You should be!" yelled Evan. "That's my aunt! And she's WAY too old for you!"

Ray: _Coz baby you shock me wild_

_         With a sexual electricity extraordinaire_

_         Come and take advantage and undress me…_

"OK!" Storm looked delighted as she began stripping off Rays top.

"NO!" Bobby covered his eyes. "Not in front of us, PLEASE!"

Ray: _I don't know you_

_        I don't even care_

_       I feel some kinda sexual courage_

_       Tell me do you feel it too…_

"Oh yes!" Storm threw Rays top into the corner of the room and began on the pants, ignoring the protests and screams from the others.

Ray: _Our bodies wanna be together_

_        Girl I wanna be with you_

_        Electric is my body baby_

_        I'll shock you with my lips…_

"Looking forward to it," murmured Storm.

"Auntie O!" Evan was looking traumatised. It cheered Pietro up a little.

Ray: _Darling don't you know_

_        Your Technicolor climax is at my fingertips…_

"EEEEWWWW!" yelled Kurt. "WAY too much information!"

Ray: _Baby no no_

_        Listen to me_

_        Electric intercourse_

_        Do you wanna_

_        Electric intercourse_

_       Electric intercourse_

_       Don't you wanna make love_

_       Sweet love my love…_

"Yes! I do!" Storm yanked down Rays pants revealing (much to everyone's relief) his boxers. "Right here!"

"NOOOO!"

"Not here! Not here!"

"Get a room!"

Ray: _Baby no no_

_        Listen to me_

_        Electric intercourse_

_        Do you wanna_

_        Electric intercourse_

_       Electric intercourse_

_       Don't you wanna make love_

_       Sweet love my love…_

"Ray, you've pulled!" Bobby shouted. "Can you PLEASE stop singing?"

"Um, OK." Ray kicked his jeans across the room and picked Storm up. "Let's go finish this in my room."

"Can I tell them now?" pleaded Beast.

"What? Oh yeah, the toxin's in the tap water." Storm was borne upstairs by Ray. The others could hear her giggling all the way up the stairs.

Evan sat in the middle of the room and began rocking backwards and forwards. "No. Not Auntie O. Not Auntie O and Ray Crisp!"

Pietro brightened up. "Hey, cool! Daniels is having a breakdown!"

Song is 'Electric Intercourse' by Prince. Where would this fic be without that man?


	17. Demon Alcohol

Thanks to:

DemonRogue13 – Sorry I didn't get your review for chapter 15 until I'd posted! Glad you approve of the Evan-torture.

Demon Maiden – I didn't get your review for chapter 15 'til I'd posted either – mail problems, grrr! Glad you liked it, although it's not Storm and Beast.

Steph14Wales – Writing Pyro is great fun! Now I know why you like writing Pyro fics. "Daniels is having a breakdown!" was my fave line!

Arikitten – it's been hard trying to think of girls…but my brain has spat up a couple of candidates, each one more disturbing than the last. Scary, no?

Bobtheheadlesschicken – I know the feeling, a girl with my name was in one episode of Evo and none of the X-Men could pronounce her name properly. Very aggravating! I will be having Angel appear near the end and you won't believe his laydee!

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Glad you liked! Sinatra next chapter!

XEvo Chic – If I can disturb people, then my job is done! I thought this chapter was more disturbing though – you have been warned!

Holly Potter – I'll mail you about Evans love interest and I'm glad you like the torment!

Rogue14 – It's one of those fics when you could do without some of the images it conjures up ;) Pietro will get his song out eventually!

XME – Thanks for the song! I've seen it on Barney the Dinosaur (did I just admit to that?) and it comes in very handy for a later chapter.

Human Lightshow – I'm updating hurriedly because I want this finished before I go on holiday at the end of the month. Glad you're enjoying it!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing! Now I'm going to go cry in a corner…

                                    00000000000000000000000000000

"Hello?"  A voice called out from the hallway.

Beast groaned. "Oh no. Not more people. Just as I thought we were out of women!"   
"Oh, here you are!" Mrs Leech entered the room and smiled genially at the occupants. "I brought Dorian over to play with Jamie. He's acting very strangely today, keeps singing the Teletubbies theme tune! Is that boy having a nervous breakdown?"   
"It's nothing to worry about Mrs Leech." The Beast smiled nervously. "This really isn't the best time I'm afraid, world to save and all that . . ."   
"Hardly ze vorld." Kurt had unfortunately for al concerned, recovered the bottle of whisky that the Professor had been drinking from earlier. Another swig straight from the bottle and he was staggering over to the others. "Ve ist nicht . . .just Bayville."   
"Sweet merciful crap." Rogue snatched the bottle away from him. "You know you're a mean drunk."   
"Ich bin shober!" Kurt teleported at the other side of his sister, snatched the bottle with his tail and bamfed away, reappearing at the other side of the room and tripping over Evan, who was still gibbering on the floor.   
"Can I have some of that?" Mrs Leech swiped the bottle and took a swig.

Beast looked serious. "You know, that's stuff's addictive."

"Just like ze fuzzy dude!" Kurt struggled to his feet.

"Look everyone," said Pietro hurriedly. "Before anyone decides to start singing, could I just – "

Kurt: _I'm sick and tired of your excuses_

_            Can't deal with living anymore…_

"Shit!" snarled Pietro.

"I told you he was a mean drunk," said Rogue as Kurt, unhappy at the interruption, curled his tail around Pietro's neck and tried to strangle him.

Kurt: _I'll give you reasons to continue_

_            While you lie writhing on the floor_

_            I'll wash away your lies_

_            And have you hypnotised…_

"Is that one of his powers, hypnotising people?" asked Mrs Leech.

"No." Bobby managed to prise Kurt's tail from around Pietro's neck.

"I guess he doesn't need it," said the woman admiringly.

"Oh no." Rogue shook her head in disbelief. "Please tell me you're not perving over my brother."

"Why not?" said Mrs Leech defensively. "Since Mr Leech left us, I've been going through a dry patch."

Pietro rubbed his neck and glared at Kurt. "Do any of these people have first names?"

Kurt: _There'll be no compromise today_

_            I'll share your life of shame_

_            I think you know my name…_

"I don't actually," said Mrs Leech.

Kurt: _I'll introduce myself today_

_            I'm the demon alcohol_

_            Demon alcohol_

_            I'll get you…_

"I hope so," murmured Mrs Leech, taking another drink from the bottle.

"Why doesn't anyone want some one their own age?" asked Sam. "I wouldn't go for an old lady."

"I'm not old!" said Mrs Leech indignantly. "And older women have experience."

Sam looked thoughtful. "Really?"

Kurt: _If you could deal with your reflection_

_            I'm sure you'd see into my eyes_

_            There'll be no need for resurrection_

_            Let's drink to people of the lies_

_            Although that one's too much_

_            You know ten's not enough…_

"How the hell is he managing to seduce her with this song?" asked Bobby irritably. "It's about getting drunk, there's nothing in there about getting it on."

"There's a lot of people who consider getting bombed a form of foreplay," said Rogue.

"Really?" Pietro sped over to the liquor cabinet. "Do you prefer vodka or gin?"

Kurt: _There'll be no compromise today_

_            I'll watch you lose control_

_            Consume your very soul…_

"See?" Mrs Leech smirked. "That's seductive." 

Kurt wrapped his tail around her waist and pulled her closer.

Kurt: _I'm the demon alcohol_

_            Demon alcohol ha ha_

_            Demon alcohol_

_            Demon alcohol_

_            Let's party_

_            I'm sick and tired of resolutions_

_            You quit me time and time again_

_            Don't speak of suicide solutions_

_            You took my hand_

_            I'm here to stay…_

Kurt took Mrs Leech by the hand and used his tail to swipe the bottle. Mrs Leech giggled. "There's lots more at my place and I'm sure your friends can look after Dorian for a while."

"No we – "

Beast spoke too late. Kurt teleported himself and Mrs Leech away. Unfortunately he misjudged the distance and reappeared in the doorway, the pair falling into an untidy heap. Laughing, they got up and decided to walk to the Leech house.

Evan looked up from his insane ramblings; just in time too see an apocalyptically drunk Kurt snuggling close to Mrs Leech.

"Oh dear God no!"

Evan went back to his mumbling. Occasionally he twitched.

Song is 'Demon Alcohol' by Ozzy Osbourne. I understand every word he says, does that make me equally bemused?


	18. Witchcraft

Thanks to:

Xevo Chic – Pietro will get his wuv!

Arikitten – Mrs Leech was nothing, just wait 'til you find out which other females I've got lined up for the X-boys!

Southern Goth Gal – Thanks sis! I never knew Evan-bashing could be so much fun! I'll do something nice for him by the end of the fic. Maybe.

Randomnimity – I've no plans for Evan to come out of the trance at all (evil laugh). And Ozzy does rock!

Holly Potter – More Evan torture here sis! I think Rogue looks like more of a vodka drinker… And Ozzy's hometown isn't too far from where I live. My brother met him once and didn't get me an autograph, how cruel is that?!

XME – I wanted Kurt to be with some one he's never been paired with and I was stuck – trust me, he didn't get the worst girlfriend!

Jackie Paper – I'll see what I can do!

PomegranateQueen – Glad you like! Pietro will get to do his song shortly, promise!

Rogue14 – I think Evan's gonna need therapy even if he does fall in love soon…I think they all will! After the Professor/Callisto chapter, I know I do!

Demon Maiden – I had to give the Fuzzy Dude some action! Pietro will do his song in a couple more chapters, but will she fall for him? I'm not telling!

DemonRogue13 – I'm loving the Evan torture too!

The idea for both the coupling and the song came from The Son of Logan and Ororo. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song. If I did, I'd be rich! RICH!!

                                    0000000000000000000000000

"At least there are no more girls around," said Beast with some relief.

"Uh, hello?" Rogue looked offended.

"Oh yeah. Sorry Rogue."

"And there's me and Jean," said Tabby.

"True," admitted Beast. "But you two seem to be, uh, already in relationships."

Bobby scowled. "But that leaves me without a date! And Sam and Roberto and Evan and Pietro too!"

"No one's gonna want Evan unless he stops drooling," muttered Rogue.

"And I _might_ have a date if you'd all shut up and let me sing!" yelled Pietro.

"Go ahead," replied Bobby.

Pietro: _If I –_

"Who're you?" interrupted Roberto suddenly.

"Would you all…" Pietro broke off as he too noticed the newcomer in the doorway. "Oh no, not you."

"Who is she?" asked Rogue curiously, eying the elderly woman with some suspicion.

"Her name's Agatha Harkness. She taught my sister how to use her powers."

"I was looking for Wanda," said Agatha calmly. "Where is she?"

"Uh, well…" Pietro tried to think of an answer that didn't involve him thinking too much about what his sister might be doing.

"She's in bed with Logan," said Tabby bluntly.

Scott stood up to address the woman, forgetting he was somewhat dishevelled. "Ms. Harkness, you really shouldn't be here today. We have a lot of single men in the house and quite frankly I can't think of a good way for your visit to end."

To her credit, Agatha didn't look bemused. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Why is that boy gibbering on the floor?"

The Beast looked embarrassed. "The thing is…"

"Is it true?"

Agatha gave Sam a look. "What are you talking about?"

"Mrs Leech said older women have more experience."

"I suppose that's true," said Agatha, a slight widening of her eyes the only sign she was startled by the conversation.

"Ms. Harkness," said Bobby nervously. "I think you need to leave…"

Sam: _Those fingers in my hair_

_            That sly come-hither stare_

_            That strips my conscience bare_

_            It's witchcraft…_

"We need to hurt Mrs Leech for putting this idea in his head," muttered Roberto.

"Poor Sam," said Bobby. "I think I need another drink."

Sam: _And I've no defence for it_

_            The heat is too intense for it_

_            What good would common sense for it do_

_            Coz it's witchcraft_

_            Wicked witchcraft_

_            And although I know it's strictly taboo…_

"For good reason!" said Roberto. "She's about a hundred years old!"

Sam: _When you arouse the need in me_

_            My heart says yes indeed in me_

_            Proceed with what you're leading me to…_

"She's probably cast a spell on him," said Pietro. "Either that or he's really desperate."

"I'd bet money on option two," smirked Bobby.

Sam: _It's such an ancient pitch_

_            But I wouldn't make the switch_

_            Coz there's no nicer witch than you…_

Agatha broke into a small smile. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"Uh, glad you liked it," said Sam, rubbing his neck nervously.

"So would you like to come with me back to wherever it is I live?"

"NO!" shouted Pietro. "That's too much! You're too old for that sort of thing!"

"So I need a final fling." Agatha took Sam by the hand and the two walked toward the door. "You know, old people have sex too."

"Old people should never say that word!" Pietro yelled after them. Cannonball glared at him, then picked Agatha up and blasted through the wall with her.

"Two walls and no ceiling." Jean looked vaguely depressed. "This is gonna take ages to fix."

"That's OK," said Lance, taking her hand. "You can stay at the Brotherhood house with me."

"No she can't" said Pietro threateningly.

"Can we talk about this later?" Beast tried to get the attention of the room. "We need to do something about the tainted water supply or the madness will never end!"

"And even more important," said Pietro urgently. "When will I get to do my song?"

Song is 'Witchcraft' by Frank Sinatra.


	19. You Are My Destiny

Thanks to:

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Wow, that's the fastest review I ever had! Glad you liked the chapter and you were right about the song, it fit just right!

XME – Yeah, poor Sammie (evil grin). And more New Recruit torture to come…

Holly Potter – The things I do for you! Here's the new chapter, five hours after my last update and half past midnight. I'm still being evil to Pie though…so where's my choc-choc? Wan wants choc-choc!

XEvo Chic – I don't think I've seen a Sam/Wanda fic, there's a frightening pairing lol! Ha, at least Sam didn't sing 'Hot for Teacher'! And no waiting for more! Update only 5 minutes after I got your review, how speedy am I?

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the choc-choc that Holly Potter owes me for getting this chapter up super-fast…

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"We must go immediately to the water treatment plant and find some way to stop any other mutants from drinking the water," decided Beast. "Any of us could be next, we've all drank some before we knew it was affecting our minds and vocal chords."

"I don't think we should bother," said Lance, surreptitiously rubbing Jeans leg. "It all worked out great for me. Plus it's really funny watching Pietro try to sing."

"Piss off!"

"OK, OK." Beast tried to regain control of the conversation. "No one has to come along who doesn't want to, but with so many of the others…uh…indisposed, it would be useful for all of us to go."

"Ah'll go," said Rogue. "Ah already did a song, ah don't wanna be singing at everyone!"

"You did a song?" Pietro looked irritated. "Who to? When?"

"Rogue sang Disney to the kitchen wall," said Evan from his crouch on the floor.

"Explains why you're a gibbering wreck then." Pietro smirked. "I'll go too. Might be able to more than a few notes out without all the X-losers interrupting."

"We'll all go!" said Bobby hurriedly as another yell sounded from upstairs, one that sounded disturbingly like Callisto. Evan began rocking back and forward again.

"Uh, we don't have to bring Breakdown Boy do we?" asked Pietro.

"We'd better." Beast helped Evan to his feet and the assembled mutants – Rogue, Pietro, Lance, Jean, Scott, Tabby, Bobby, Roberto and Breakdown Boy – followed Beast to the hangar to take the X-Jet to the water treatment plant.

Unfortunately for Evans mental health, there was a figure stood in the hangar waiting for them. Beast growled. "Does no one reset the alarm for this mansion?"

"Irene?" Rogue looked confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I came with Mystique," said Irene. "I've had a vision about the water you're drinking."

"A bit late," muttered Roberto. Bobby nudged him sharply.

"There is no way to remove the toxins from the water," continued Irene. "You're only hope is to ensure that no mutant ingests it."

"Any ideas how?" asked Scott.

"I do visions, not advice."

Rogue stepped forward. "Irene, it's good to see you, but one of the X-Men already had an episode and ah don't wanna be next. You'll have to go."

"I will be leaving shortly," replied Irene. "My visions tell me that you will soon have your fondest wish come true."

"Wow, Johnny Depp's phone number and the keys to Logan's bike?"

"No, the other fondest wish."

"Oh, that." Rogue blushed and avoided the looks the others were giving her.

"Can we go on the mission now?" Roberto was scowling impatiently. "Before some one else decides to do a song?"

Pietro decided that was his cue. Sadly, so did some one else.

Pietro: _Say you –_

Bobby: _You came in_

_ That's what my little heart was looking for_

_ Laughter in the rain_

_ Feeling like a fool in love again…_

"Oh shit," said Rogue faintly. "Is Bobby singing a cheesy love song to mah mom?"

"And interrupting MY cheesy love song!" Pietro wondered briefly if Bobby would melt at high temperatures. Surely Pyro wouldn't be gone much longer…

Bobby: _The laughter came when the tears stopped falling _

_ Now all I do is just call your name_

_ You walked in and my heart discovered _

_ That my life would never be the same…_

"I have to admit," said Irene, a touch too smug. "I saw this coming."

Bobby: _You are my Destiny_

_ You are my one and only_

_ You gave that joy to me _

_ When my whole life was lonely…_

"You saw this coming!" Rogue yelled. "Hasn't mah life been traumatic enough without you and Bobby?"

Bobby: _Angel in disguise_

_ With your power of love you just hypnotise_

_ I just love the magic of your spell_

_ How much joy we have together only time will tell…_

"Or I could tell," said Irene.

Bobby used his powers to create a magnificent bouquet of ice flowers, snaking up from the ground to surround Irene. He looked pretty proud of himself until Roberto sighed. "She can't appreciate them Bobby, she's blind!"

"Must be deaf too if she's enjoying Bobby's wailing," grumbled Pietro.

Bobby: _The laughter came when the tears stopped falling _

_ Now all I do is just call your name_

_ You walked in and my heart discovered _

_ That my life would never be the same…_

"It's been so long since anyone sang to me," sighed Irene wistfully. "And if Raven gets the big metal Russian, why can't I have a toy boy?"

Rogue grimaced. "Ah wonder if Wanda can recommend a good therapist?"

Bobby: _Every day every night_

_ Oh I know it's so right when I see your face…_

"It's not right at all Bobby," said Roberto.

Bobby: _Only time's gonna tell_

_ But I know you so well_

_ Girl my love's for real…_

"You don't know her well!" yelled Rogue. "You don't know her at all! And you're paying for mah therapy Drake!"

Bobby: _From the first time that I saw you_

_ I knew it was forever_

_ This mighty love between us_

_ Will keep us together_

_ You're the girl God sent from Heaven_

_ I'm so glad that I found you…_

"Rogue, stop whimpering before you go as crazy as Evan." Beast pushed her toward the X-Jet and the others followed, all except Bobby who was still crooning.

"Wait, Rogue!" called Irene.

Rogue turned hopefully. "Yeah?"

"Before you leave I need to know…does Bobby have nice buns?"

"AAAAARGHHHH!"

"Chill out Rogue!" said Scott cheerfully. "Everyone deserves to get some love, even parents!"

There were a few seconds that were filled with activity. Then Tabby glared at Rogue. "Did you have to knock out my boyfriend?"

"It was either that or death." Rogue stomped into her seat and fastened her seatbelt. Pietro sat beside her, thinking over all the women in Bayville. How many more were likely to turn up? Answer: none he could think of. His chance to do his song was just around the corner!

Song is 'My Destiny' by Lionel Richie.


	20. Finally, Rietro!

Thanks to:

XEvo Chic – I knew I should have put Destiny with Roberto! Less Evan torment in this chapter, but it depends on how cruel I'm feeling tomorrow as to what happens to him…

Southern Goth Gal – Johnny Depp's home phone number and the keys to Logan's bike is my fondest wish! Kept my promise about the Rietro, although I almost reconsidered…

Holly Potter – YAY! Choc-choc (scoffs down chocolate with disgusting lack of manners). Glad you liked Bobby/Irene and as promised…Rietro!

PomegranateQueen – Eeep! OK! Pietro can sing now…

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Check out chapter 17 for Mrs Leech! It's the Demon Alcohol chapter (evil laugh)! Thanks for the song idea; I will be using it later in the fic!

Arikitten – Had to mention Bobby's buns somewhere!

Randomnity – The singing will continue until everyone stops drinking the water…this chapter's a little low on Evan torment, but no doubt I'll need to give some more emotional scars before the end of the fic!

Rogue14 – When you check yourself into the asylum, say hello. I'm in the padded room with the barred windows!

DemonRogue13 – I owe Sam/Agatha and the song idea to The Son of Logan and Ororo. Also Storm/Ray (I was gonna put her with Gambit, but that was funnier!)

Steph14Wales – Thanks! And I owe the song here to you, so thanks again!

XME – No! I'm throwing a curve and letting Pietro sing! YAY!

Author Note: I swear I didn't make this song up myself! I owe my knowledge of this song to Steph14Wales who sent me the link. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Life sucks.

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The X-Jet landed outside the water treatment plant and the assembled X-Men (and two Brotherhood members) hurried out. Night had fallen and the plant looked empty, devoid of workers and no sign of a guard.

Beast eyed them all sternly. "This is a stealth mission, no room for screw-ups. That means Jean and Lance, Scott and Tabby – no making out. Roberto, no muttering about how you haven't scored, don't pretend it wasn't you on the X-Jet. Evan, no crazed ramblings. And defiantly no singing Pietro."

Pietro thought it over. "How about before we go in?"

"I suppose that would be alright," conceded Beast.

"And _no one_ is allowed to interrupt," said Pietro threateningly.

Lance glared at him. "Would you just get on with it?"

Pietro: _Your mutant powers are the only thing _

_            That stands between you and me_

_            One touch_

_            I won't amount to much…_

"That's true," said Tabby with a smirk.

Pietro: _Just a little kiss when our eyes meet_

_            Rogue I love you _

_            Always thinking of you_

_            In every word and deed it's true_

_            Totally helpless_

_            So very hopeless yeah it's true_

_            Pretty X-Men Rogue I love you…_

Pietro took Rogues hand, safely covered by a glove and pulled her close. She in turn blushed madly and completely forgot all the sarcastic comments she'd been making about the others singing.

Pietro: _You're always hanging out with Wolverine_

_            Couldn't ya find some time for me?   _

_            Gambit's tired of playing cards of fire_

_            Don't ya know Scott's in love with Jean…_

"I am NOT!" insisted Scott, putting a protective arm around Tabby.

"No, I am!" said Lance angrily.

"Oh Lance, do you really mean it?" asked Jean. "I love you too!"

"Do y'all mind?" Rogue glared at them. "Ah didn't interrupt YOUR songs!"

Pietro: _Totally helpless_

_            So very hopeless yeah it's true_

_            Pretty X-Men Rogue I love you…_

"Do you really mean it?" asked Rogue hopefully.

Pietro: _Rogue I love you_

_            Always thinking of you_

_            In every word and deed it's true_

_            Totally helpless_

_            So very hopeless yeah it's true_

_            Pretty X-Men Rogue I love you…_

"Oh Pietro, ah love you too"!

Rogue threw her arms around him, to a chorus of "Aaaw" from the others.

"But we can never touch," she continued. "You should forget all about me."

"Actually, I think I may be able to help." Beast produced a studded dog collar and handed it to Rogue. "I invented something to control your powers that would blend seamlessly with the rest of your wardrobe and have waited until now to give it to you for reasons of my own."

"What reasons?" wondered Jean.

"The real question is – where was he keeping that thing?" Lance shuddered. "It's not like he has any pockets in those trunks."

Rogue took the dog collar, put it on and removed a glove. She put her hand to Pietro's face and grinned when she realised she wasn't draining his energy. The couple moved in for a kiss…

"Nobody move."

The group turned to see a woman emerge from the shadows, a woman with green hair carrying a gun, which she had aimed at them.

"I have no problems using this – so put your hands up. Now!"

Pietro groaned as the mutants all raised their hands. "Some one up there doesn't like me."

Song is 'Rogue' by the Smooch Knobs.


	21. Broken WIngs

Thanks to:

Southern Goth Gal – The song I used was the link I was trying to send you and was thwarted by my crappy computer skills. Glad you like the Rietro sis and they will get to kiss, promise!

Enfant-terrible – Glad you liked it!

XME – I love the song too and I just had to use it! I dread to think where the Beast hid the collar…

AriKitten – She's in the X23 episodes! Roberto will score soon…

Xevo Chic – You don't want Pietro to get some lovin? For shame! Beast always seems to wear nothing but those shorts and I just wondered where he keeps his cash.

King-Cold – Agatha and Destiny are pretty disturbing, lol! And it is Viper, but because they called her Hydra in Evo I've stuck to that. The doctor appears for the first time here!

Randomnimity – I like cliffhangers, as you can tell!

DemonRogue13 – I love Rietro too!

Holly Potter – Kissing interrupted and you have a gun…this isn't looking good for me! But you'll never find me in the cupboard under the stairs! Ooops…

Steph14Wales – The song was all thanks to you! And Pietro will get his kiss…sometime.

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Thanks for the reviews! No 12 year olds singing here (except X23, lol) and all the ladies will be introduced in this chapter. Only one more guy though! I'm not good with the Morlock characters, so I'm not introducing any more of them. I just realised I could do a Sabretooth/Mrs Sefton chapter – oh no, that would be too bizarre…

Bobtheheadlesschicken – Weird reviews are welcomed – it's a pretty weird fic after all!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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The woman stepped forward, revealing her green outfit, green eyes and green lipstick. Rogue raised her eyebrows. "Does this woman only know one colour?"

"Silence!" The woman waved the gun menacingly. "I am Madame Hydra. I knew you X-Men would be here to investigate the cause of the poisoning and that's why I did it!"

"You're the reason we've all been singing?" asked Roberto.

"Silence!"

"She sure does like that word," muttered Pietro.

"It has come to my attention that some property that belongs to my organisation has fallen into the hands of the X-Men. I want it back."

"I don't understand," said Beast slowly. "What property is this?"

"Weapon X23!"

"All this for Pyro's jailbait?" Pietro looked confused.

"She is a weapon that we genetically engineered and we want her back! I knew she would be on this mission with you."

"Uh, you knew wrong," said Lance. "She's not here."

"Impossible!" Hydra looked furious. "What else would a teenage girl prefer to getting into a fight?"

Tabby smirked. "Sex!"

"Silence!" Hydra glared at the group. "If X23 has chosen not to join you on this mission, I have ways of forcing her to!"

"You could use an aardvark," suggested Evan cheerfully.

"Ignore him," said Scott quickly. "His mind's snapped under the pressure."

"I have something better than an aardvark!" Hydra laughed maniacally, as baddies tend to do. "I have – hostages!"

The X-Men (and Brotherhood members) looked to the spot behind her that they had previously mistaken for a rock. In fact it was three woman with their hands tied behind their backs. The ropes binding them were in turn attached to the hook of a crane, another item they had all overlooked.

"Oh my God, that's the Professors ex-wife!" gasped Jean.

"Do you think he ever spanked her?" asked Tabby curiously, causing Evan to start gibbering again.

"And that's my ex-girlfriend Taryn!" noted Scott. "She never let me tie her up, but some green haired woman gets to? Unfair!"

"Isn't that Kurt's girlfriend?" said Pietro. "Who wants to tell her where Blue Boy is?"

"Silence!" Hydra pulled a remote control from her pocket and pressed the big red button in the middle. The crane shuddered into life, lifted the three girls up and swung them over the reservoir. "If X23 is not here shortly, then these people will drown!"

"Uh, can we go get her then?" asked Rogue.

"No! She must know where you are!"

"She doesn't!"

"In that case…"

Hydras words were cut off as she was grabbed from behind by a burly figure with wings.

"Angel!" shouted Jean in relief. "Hold her! She's a villain!"

"I'm a villainess!" protested Hydra. "Unhand me!"

"I saw you being held at gunpoint while I was flying to the video shop," explained Angel. "I thought I'd help!"

"This is Hydra," explained the Beast. "She has an evil plan!"

"It's always the cute ones that are evil," said Angel wistfully. "I've always had a thing for girls with strange-coloured hair too."

Pietro covered his face with his hands. "Oh crap. Here we go again!"

Angel: _Baby I don't understand_

_            Why we can't just hold on to each other's hands_

_            This time will be the last I fear_

_            Unless I make it all so clear_

_            I need you so…_

Hydra blinked. "What's gotten into him?"

"The stuff you put into the water wasn't poison," explained Beast. "It was a variant of a soft drink called Pow-R-8. It causes mutants to sing!"

"I don't believe this! I'll kill that Spears!"

Angel: _Take these broken wings _

_            And learn to fly again_

_            And learn to live so free_

_            And when we hear the voices sing_

_            The book of love will open up for us and let us in…_

"He is awfully young and handsome," mused Hydra, to assorted groans from the other mutants.

Angel: _Baby I think tonight_

_            We can take what was wrong and make it so right_

_            I need you so_

_            Baby it's all I know_

_            That you're half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole_

_            I need you so…_

"That is the sweetest thing," said Hydra with a sigh.

"That is the sickest thing," muttered Lance.

Angel: _Take these broken wings _

_            And learn to fly again_

_            And learn to live so free_

_            And when we hear the voices sing_

_            The book of love will open up for us and let us in…_

"Oh Angel!" Hydra threw herself into his arms. "For you I shall renounce my evil ways and live in your castle of love!"

"Problem solved guys," said Warren smugly as he picked Hydra up. "You don't get shot and I get laid. Everything worked out for the best!" With that he flew away, carrying a love struck Madame Hydra with him.

"Now all we have to do is sort out the water and I can get back to business!" Pietro grabbed Rogue by the waist and pulled her close to him.

"There's just one other thing," said Scott.

Rogue wasn't too happy to be interrupted from her thoughts. She wrapped her hands around Pietro's neck and said, "What is it now?"

"Hydra took the remote for the crane with her and there's three people about to be submerged in the reservoir!"

"Oh crap, can't we just let them drown?"

Song is 'Broken Wings' by Mr Mister.


	22. Figure You Out

Thanks to:

Southern Goth Gal – I'd just let them drown, but I am pretty evil lol.

Steph14Wales – I like doing cliffhangers, they're cool!

Arikitten – Roberto gets to score right here! YAY 'BERTO!

Holly Potter – uh sis, put the gun down. Please? I'll put in some Rietro if you put down the gun!

Furygrrl – I've never thought of Rocky and Red as a viable couple before, but they are strangely fun to write…I'll use your song suggestion for the Jamie/Leech chapter, thanks for it!

XEvo Chic – X23 sounds like Angelica from Rugrats. Logan's clone should surely not sound so squeaky? Maybe Pyro will do something about that, hee hee…

Enfant-terrible – I also wish I could find an excuse to use that line in my everyday life!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – Yeah, 6 to 3. The other six are just there to comment on stuff!

DitaSweetSorrow – Glad you like it! I promise to eat a bag of sugar before every chapter ;)

King-Cold – OMG, Angel and Husk? This is what happens when I don't keep a close enough eye on the comics!

Rogue14 – Evan next chapter or the one after (not sure of the order I'm doing them in yet). And by popular demand there will be a chapter with Jamie and Leech (not singing to each other!) plus Beast and one other character…I thought of the idea the other day and decided it just had to be the final chapter!

PomegranateQueen – Have you been taking your dancing lessons from me? Lol! Glad you like!

DemonRogue13 – No shooting and sugar for Warren! YAY!

Disclaimer: I own only the bowl of tuna that I am currently consuming. I do not own the characters or the song.

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"MMMMPHH!" yelled the three women as they were lowered towards the water. There would have been more cursing but they were all gagged.

"Quick Evan, burn through the rope," instructed Beast. "Roberto, swim over there and get them out of the water when they fall in."

"What are you gonna do Mr McCoy?"

"Supervise. Off you go!"

Evan produced a flaming spike and threw it through the rope that bound the girls to the crane. Roberto leapt into the water in his Sunspot form and as the three hit the water, he managed to pull them all to the side, where Evan and Beast pulled them out.

"Hurray!" shouted Jean. "We rule!"

"You didn't do anything," said Tabby.

Roberto climbed out of the water and changed back. "I am your knight in flaming armour!"

"Thanks Roberto," said Amanda absently, throwing the gag to one side. "Hey, where's Kurt?"

"Uh…" Beast looked uncomfortable. "Lance knows!"

"Lance is busy," said Avalanche quickly, dragging Jean away."

"Charles sent you?" asked Gabrielle.

"Kind of," muttered Beast uncomfortably.

Taryn tried to squeeze water out of her hair as she knelt beside the reservoir. "Thanks for saving me, but did you have to drop us into the water to do it?"

"But the wet look suits you," said Roberto with a smile.

"Oh no," said Beast wearily. "The chemical must be able to be absorbed through the skin!"

Roberto: _I like your pants around your feet_

_              I like the dirt that's on your knees_

_              And I like the way you still say please_

_              While you're looking up at me_

_              You're like my favourite damn disease…_

Taryn looked confused. "Why is that boy singing at me?"

"It's a long story," replied Scott.

Roberto: _And I love the places that we go_

_              And I love the people that you know…_

"The only place you both go is school," pointed out Tabby.

"Uh, Roberto?" said Evan, having a rare lucid moment. "If you love the people she knows, does that mean you love Duncan Matthews?"

Roberto: _And I love the way you can't say no_

_              Too many long lines in a row_

_              I love the powder on your nose…_

"Jean, you bitch!" yelled Taryn in the direction of a suspiciously rustling bush. "You promised you wouldn't tell!"

"She didn't tell," said Tabby guiltily. "We read her diary. That girl has some serious issues."

"Yeah?" Pietro looked suddenly interested. "Did you get any photocopies?"

Roberto: _Ooooh_

_              And now I know who you are_

_              It wasn't that hard _

_              Just to figure you out_

_              And now I know who you are_

_              It wasn't that hard _

_              Just to figure you out…_

"You're much more handsome than Scott," said Taryn thoughtfully.

Roberto: _I like the freckles on your chest_

_              And I like the way you like me best_

_              And I like the way you're not impressed _

_              When you put me to the test_

_              And I like the wine stains on your dress…_

"They're not wine stains! It's part of the design!"

Roberto: _And I love the way you pass the check_

_              And I love the good times that you wreck_

_              And I love your lack of self-respect_

_              While you're passed out on the deck…_

"We saw the pictures on Duncan's website," explained Rogue, rather enjoying the horrified look on Taryns face.

Roberto: _And I love my hands around you neck_

  _And now I know who you are_

_              It wasn't that hard _

_              Just to figure you out_

_              And now I know who you are_

_              It wasn't that hard _

_              Just to figure you out…_

Roberto grabbed Taryn around the waist and pulled her closer, distracting her from her revenge fantasies.

Roberto: _I love your pants around your feet_

_              And I love the dirt that's on your knees_

_              And I love the was you still say please_

_              While you're looking up at me_

_              You're like my favourite damn disease…_

"I've always loved a dominant man," murmured Taryn. "What did you say your name was?"

"That's just wrong," said Amanda as the pair began smooching. "Why didn't Kurt come to my rescue?"

Beast looked up at the sky. "I'd give anything for a distraction right about now."

There was a loud commotion as Rogue leapt into Pietro's arms and planted a kiss on him. Caught unawares, Pietro stumbled backwards and they both fell into the reservoir.

Beast grinned. "That'll do!"

Song is 'Figure You Out' by Nickelback.


	23. Like A Beast

Thanks to:

The Son of Logan and Ororo – She was called Viper in the comics, but I kept Hydra for the sake of simplicity. I forget the doctor's name, but she will turn up shortly! And the Elvis song and matching couple – I like that idea a lot, I will be using it! I've never checked X23's voice actress, I did check out some but finding Blob and Pyro were the same guy and Wanda was Barbie kinda disturbed me…

XME – The more you can disturb your sisters, the more they try to avoid you…I disturb my sisters a great deal for this very reason!

PomegranateQueen – Glad you liked!

Steph14Wales – I got the reservoir idea from 'Romeo and Juliet' (the 90's film). See, I do watch chick-flicks sometimes!

Southern Goth Gal – Don't torment me with the pixie stix! They don't sell them over here and I hear they're pure sugar…sob! I love sugar!

Holly Potter – Old Buckethead will have a few choice words for both his offspring – you can put the gun down now! I'll give you what you want! But at the end of the fic (I'm so evil, ha ha).

Lildaisygirl24 – Glad you liked – and tired highs are the best! I wrote this chapter on one!

XEvo Chic – Taryn/Roberto was all I could think off, but I'm back to the bizarre and highly random pairings that I love writing so much!

AUTHOR NOTE: The song contained herein is extremely graphic and was sung by 80's hair metallers, it should not be heard by anybody. Except me. And I think that Lance would probably know all the lyrics. The point is: if you are of a sensitive nature or easily offended, then kindly do not read any further. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Happy now?

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The Beast rolled his eyes as Pietro and Rogue struggled out of the reservoir and onto dry land, trying to ignore the sight of Roberto and Taryn groping. He produced a small vial from about his person (better not to wonder from where) and examined it, waiting for some one to ask what it was. When no one did, he was quite upset.

"Would you all please pay attention?"

Gabrielle glanced at the vial. "What's that?"

At last! Beast grinned at her. "Because we have no antidote to the chemical that makes mutants sing, I've brought industrial dye to pour into the water. All we have to do is let everyone know not to drink the green water!"

"Because so many people would," muttered Gabrielle.

Beast poured the contents of the container into the reservoir. "There! The mutants of Bayville are saved!"

"YAY!" everyone yelled.

"And the effects should wear off in a few days!"

"A few days!" Evan began shaking. "But everything'll be back to normal then?"

"Well, I doubt it'll affect the new relationships, they'll just be less musical…oh Evan, don't cry!"

Amanda tugged on Beasts arm. "Where's Kurt?"

"Um…the thing is…"

"He's at the mansion shagging Dorian's mother," said Tabby bluntly.

"WHAT! Not my dear sweet fuzzy boyfriend, seduced by that evil harpy!?"

"He actually seduced her," said Tabby, delighting in being the bearer of bad news.

"But…but…" Amanda covered her face. "But where will I find another blue furry boyfriend?"

"She just had to say it," groaned Scott as Evan began gibbering yet again.

Beast: _I got pictures of naked ladies_

_            Lying on their beds_

_            I whiff that smell and sweet convulsion_

_            Starts a swelling inside my head_

_            I'm making artificial lovers for free…_

"WAY too much information!" yelled Rogue in horror.

Jean appeared from behind the bush. "Talk about killing the mood. That's sick!"

Beast: _I start to howl I'm in heat_

_            I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy_

_            I fuck like a beast…_

"You do?" Amanda looked thoughtful as she contemplated her revenge.

Beast: _I come around round I come feel your love_

_            Tie you down down I come steal your love_

_            I come around round I come feel your love_

_            Tie you down down I come steal your love…_

Amanda stroked the Beasts arm suggestively. "So you like that kinda thing too huh?"

"Please no," whimpered Evan. "Not more bondage!"

Beast: _I'm on the prowl and I watch you closely_

_            I lie waiting for you_

_            I'm the wolf with the sheepskin clothing_

_            I lick my chops and you're tasting good…_

"Well, I do wash regularly," said Amanda.

Lance appeared beside Jean, rearranging his clothes and giving Amanda a bemused look. "That is the stupidest thing I ever heard her say."

Beast: _I'll do whatever I want to ya_

_            I'll nail your ass to the sheets_

_            A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya_

_            I fuck like a beast…_

"I love it when a man gets all dominant!" Amanda moved even closer to Beast, who wrapped a furry arm around her waist.

Beast: _I come around round I come feel your love_

_            Tie you down down I come steal your love_

_            I come around round I come feel your love_

_            Tie you down down I come steal your love_

_            Come ride savage seduction_

_            Ride ride ride…_

"Mr McCoy!" Amanda threw her arms around his neck. "Take me now! Here!"

"No!"

"Not here!"

"Not in front of us!"

Beast threw Amanda over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, leapt up into a handy tree and swung off into the distance.

A dripping wet Pietro watched the pair depart with some confusion. "Well that was surreal."

There was silence for a moment, then Jean spoke. "Uh, he didn't have the car keys did he?"

Evan dropped to his knees in the mud. "NOOOOO!"

Song is 'Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)' by WASP.


	24. Ho Ho Hee Hee Ha Ha!

Thanks to:

XEvo Chic – Never read this fic before bed, hee hee…Is there more paedophilia to come? Yeah!

Steph14Wales – Beast and Amanda just seemed right, what with her love of fuzzy dudes!

Furygrrl – The idea of Beast being a closet WASP fan made me grin – and Evans therapy bills are gonna drive the Prof back to the booze! His therapist would think he was delusional. Wait, that means I must be delusional too!

Demon Maiden – Turning into Evan, OMG I'm sorry! I was gonna have Evan sing Patsy Cline, but I got a better suggestion and I'm not good at Broadway musicals, all I could think of was 'Jelicous (sp?) Cats' for some reason!

Southern Goth Gal – I do nasty pretty well, huh? (Laughs evilly) And I told you how my hysteria when 'Hanky Panky' came on the radio went down at work…maybe it's me who shouldn't be allowed to listen to music anymore!

The Son of Logan and Ororo – I was gonna use 'Crazy' by Patsy Cline, but your suggestion is miles better – I once followed one of my sisters around for four days singing it, so it brought back happy memories. Sibling torment rules!

Lildaisygirl24 – More Evan torture to come YAY! And you weren't disturbed? Guess I'll have to try harder…

Rogue14 – The second person who's sleep I've wrecked with that chapter – uh, sorry!

DemonRogue13 – I bet Beast hides all his cheesy hair metal albums behind the Mozart!

Special thanks goes to PomegranateQueen for a direct review – thanks! Glad you liked it and I'm always happy to get direst reviews when FF is being a pain.

Idea for this song donated by The Son of Logan and Ororo. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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It was fortunate that Tabby was an accomplished car thief. She managed to hotwire the X-Van in record time and soon the group were heading back to the mansion. Gabrielle had to drive as the various horny teenage couples congregated in the back.

In order to save any further mental torment, Evan chose to ride in front. He spent the first few miles trying to think of conversation, not easy when in the process of a mental breakdown.

"So…you were married to the Professor?"

"Aye, for about five minutes."

"Was he always into spanking?"

"Why do you think we got divorced?"

"Probably not just the spanking," mused Evan, his voice getting louder as he tried to drown out some suspicious noises from the back. "It's the way he's into weirdo's. I bet he'd ditch Callisto in a second if there was some one even stranger on the horizon, like an alien."

Gabrielle shot him an admiring look. "You're an unusually perceptive young man."

"No I'm not," grumbled Evan, looking at the floor. "I've gone insane, the pressure got to me when I saw all the X-Men pairing off and now I've lost my mind."

"Still, you seem to understand what we went through and how I felt."

"Maybe you ditched me in a past life."

"It would explain why you went crazy," replied Gabrielle, slightly flirtatious.

"And we lived in a big house in…New York!"

"That's not very imaginative."

"And I was a rich supermodel and you were a rich, uh, a rich mechanic!"

"Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?"

"And you made my meals dressed in nothing but an apron and stilettos!"

"Hang on Evan, I…"

"And you left me because of all the groupies throwing themselves at me!"

"Uh…"

Evan: _Remember when you ran away_

_ And I got on my knees and begged you not to go_

_ Because I'd go berserk…_

Pietro put his head between the front seats. "Oh great, Daniels is having another episode."

Evan: _WELL_

_ You left me anyhow_

_ And then the days got worse and worse_

_ And now you see I've gone completely out of my mind…_

"Y'think?" Pietro said sarcastically.

Evan: _AND_

_ They're coming to take me away haha_

_ They're coming to take me away_

_ Ho ho hee hee ha ha_

_ To the funny farm_

_ Where life is beautiful all the time_

_ And I'll be happy to see those nice young men_

_ In they're clean white coats_

_ They're coming to take me AWAY HA HAAA…_

The group in the back had stopped what they were doing and were watching Evan in fascination.

"Uh, Pietro," said Lance. "Was he always this insane?"

"Oh yeah."

"I'm sure it's nothing a little mind-wipe wouldn't fix," said Jean thoughtfully.

Pietro snorted. "What mind?"

Evan: _You thought it was a joke_

And so you LAUGHED YOU LAUGHED 

_ When I said that losing you _

_ Would make me flip my lid…_

Scott eyed Gabrielle suspiciously. "Why does he seem to think that you've dumped him?"

Gabrielle shrugged and laughed nervously. "I've no idea."

Tabby hit the back of the headrest. "Hey Evan, bring me back a T-shirt from la-la land!"

Evan: _RIGHT_

_ I know you laughed_

_ I HEARD you laugh_

_ You laughed_

_ And laughed _

_ And laughed_

_ And laughed_

_ And then you left_

_ And now you know I'm utterly mad…_

Pietro smirked. "Y'know Daniels, women don't find insanity attractive."

Gabrielle turned around quickly. "I'll have you know my son is insane and he's very attractive and he has many girlfriends with stranger hair than your girlfriend, so there!"

Scott looked nervous. "Uh, could you keep your eyes on the road? Please?"

Evan: _AND_

_ They're coming to take me away ha ha_

_ They're coming to take me away_

_ Ho ho hee hee ha ha_

_ To the happy home_

_ With trees and flowers_

_ And chirping birds and basket weavers_

_ Who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes_

_ And they're coming to take me away HAHAAAAAA…_

"Wish some one would take him away," muttered Tabby.

"We've wished THAT since the day he arrived at the mansion!" replied Jean.

Evan: _I cooked your food_

_ I cleaned your house_

_ And this is how you pay me back_

_ For all my kind unselfish loving deeds…_

"You'd do all that for me?" Gabrielle smiled at the thought. "All Charles ever did around the house was polish the dungeon!"

Evan: _HUH_

_ Well you just wait_

_ They'll find you yet_

_ And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy MUTT…_

Rogue put her head in her hands. "Evan, you don't win a girls affection by insulting her!"

Jean gave her a look. "You'd rather see him with the Professors ex-wife?"

"Ah just want him to stop singing!"

"And you shouldn't all be so hard on him," said Gabrielle sternly. "He doesn't mean it, he's just carried away in the fantasy of being left by me. It's romantic!"

Evan: _They're coming to take me away ha ha _

_ They're coming to take me away _

_ Ho ho hee hee ha ha…_

"No one's going to take you away Evan," said Gabrielle, resting her hand on the back of the boy's neck. "I'll get you back to your old self again."

"Please don't," said Pietro.

Evan glanced at the woman shyly. "You will?"

"Oh yes! You're so sensitive and sweet, nothing like my ex-husband! I'll nurse you back to health."

Gabrielle leant over and put both her arms around Evans neck, looking deep into his eyes. The pair moved closer, their lips touching…

Scott leant forward, pointing out of the windshield. "THE ROAD!"

The X-van headed straight into a garden wall, crashing through a garden and tearing up several prize rosebushes before coming to a stop on the lawn. The eight teens in the back were thrown into a heap on the floor, proving that seatbelts are always a good idea.

Gabrielle ran a hand through her hair and laughed shakily. "Maybe I should have taken my foot off the accelerator while we were doing that."

Song is 'They're coming to take me away' by Napoleon XIV.


	25. Bad Bad Medicine

Thanks to:

Oceanbang – YAY, you're back! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, glad you like it!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – You get the rights to Power10! Any follow-up I wrote for this would centre around Evans therapy, hee hee…

( ) – Your name didn't come up! The substance used throughout this fic was an abundance of sugar and insanity (but I'm taking something for that now, lol). I loved the idea of the Prof cackling as he dusts too…

Arikitten – I used that song for sibling torment many times!

PomegranateQueen – You can never say that enough! I'm a sucker for praise.

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Promise to stop taking you seriously now…only a couple more chapters to go, so not much more opportunity anyway.

SSJ Tokya – Thanks!

Rage-girl-05 – Got a couple more people left, but I'm mostly out of characters…hell, even the characters are out of character, lol!

Southern Goth Gal – Crashing through walls, haven't done that for a while sis! Last time I was listening to Therapy? of all bands, weird huh?

Holly Potter – I will use your idea sis! I suggest hiding the gun in your brothers room, that's where I plant evidence…right Pie? Hee hee!

Steph14Wales – Glad you liked! The song is one I haven't heard for ages, but I think it used to be on an advert for crisps or something.

DemonRogue13 – Even Evan deserves some lovin…although I dunno that the Prof will approve!

Randomnimity- Driving Evan insane was the most fun part of the fic! Except now I have to pay for his therapy…boo!

King-Cold – An Evan mind-wipe? Hmm, that might happen! Although I don't know that anyone would be able to tell the difference with the way Evan is now, lol!

XME – I don't actually hate Evan, I just didn't see the need to invent a new character for the show when there are so many canon characters that would have been better. This is his punishment for annoying me!

Disclaimer: Nothing contained herein is mine. I wish it was – but it's not.

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The group arrived back at the Institute half an hour or so after the crash, except for Pietro and Rogue who had run on ahead. As they approached the gates, they spotted a figure waiting outside.

"What now?" Jean approached the figure, noting that it was a woman with blonde hair. "Who are you?"

"My name is Deborah Risman." The woman smiled nervously. "I'm a former employee of HYDRA, I was a part of the X23 project. I've reason to believe that they will try to retake her by poisoning the…"

"Newsflash lady," growled Lance. "We know and we've taken care of it. How do these gates open?"

"In that case, I'll just leave." Dr Risman looked rather put out as she took a few steps away from the gates – and then a huge man leapt into her path, blocking any escape.

"GAAAAH!" yelled the assembled mutants (and human girlies) as Sabretooth grinned menacingly at them.

"Where're the other Acolytes?" he snarled.

"Uh, the thing is, uh…" Tabby tried to stall for time as she thought of the best way to tell a seven-foot madman that the rest of his team had serenaded many of their foes and his boss was in bed with a teenage werewolf.

"You're Sabretooth!" said Deborah, recognising him from HYDRA files.

"Yeah, I am." Sabretooth looked proud to be recognised.

"I'm Doctor Deborah Risman," said the woman cautiously.

"Dr Risman," said Scott irritably. "If you'd just move out of the way, we can blast him."

"He looks a bit…ill," said Jean worriedly.

"Maybe he's been drinking the green water," replied Lance as Sabretooths massive hand engulfed the doctors.

Sabretooth: _You're love is like bad medicine_

_                        Bad medicine is what I need_

_                        Whoa-oh shake it up just like bad medicine_

_                        There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease…_

"That's quite apt," mused Jean, giving Sabretooth a thoughtful look. "He looks like a cross between Jon Bon Jovi and the Incredible Hulk."

Sabretooth: _I ain't got a fever_

_                        Got a permanent disease_

_                        And it'll take more than a doctor_

_                        To prescribe a remedy_

_                        And I got lots of money_

_                        But it isn't what I need_

_                        Gonna take more than a shot to get this poison outta me_

_                        And I got all the symptoms count 'em one-two-three_

_                        On you're knees…_

Lance: _That's what you get for falling in love…_

Jean hit him around the head. "Don't do backing vocals for him!"

"Uh, sorry."

Sabretooth: _Then you bleed…_

Scott: _You get a little and it's never enough…_

"You're only supposed to sing to me!" Tabby scowled and folded her arms.

Sabretooth: _I got you on your knees…_

Evan: _That's what you get for falling in love…_

Gabrielle smiled. "Isn't he sweet?"

Sabretooth: _Now this boy's addicted coz your kiss is the drug_

_                        Whoa-oh_

_                        You're love is like bad medicine_

_                        Bad medicine is what I need_

_                        Oh-oh shake it up just like bad medicine_

_                        There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease_

_                        Bad bad medicine…_

"Wow," said Deborah breathlessly. "I've never had such a masculine person sing to me before! Only X23 and she's into disco. She does a mean John Travolta impression."

"It's a side effect of the poison," said Scott.

"Forget it." Tabby shook her head. "She doesn't wanna know."

Sabretooth: _I don't need no needle_

_                        To be giving me a thrill_

_                        And I don't need no anaesthesia_

_                        Or a nurse to bring a pill_

_                        I got a dirty down addiction _

_                        That doesn't leave a track_

                        I gotta jone for your affection like a monkey on my back… 

                        _There ain't no paramedic gonna save this heart attack_

_                        When you need…_

Roberto: _That's what you get for falling in love…_

"Uh, Roberto?" Taryn took hold of his sleeve. "Who's the big hairy man and why aren't you saving your singing for me?"

Sabretooth: _Then you bleed…_

Lance: _You get a little and it's never enough…_

"Lance!" said Jean irritably. "What did I tell you about singing?"

Sabretooth: _On your knees…_

Sabretooth got onto one knee in front of the doctor, making him just about her height. He grinned ferally at her, causing her to blush and giggle. Lance opened his mouth to continue his backing vocals, caught the look on Jeans face and decided against it.

Evan: _That's what you get for falling in love…_

Sabretooth: _Now I'm addicted and your kiss is the drug_

_                        Whoa-oh your love is like bad medicine_

_                        Bad medicine is what I need_

_                        Whoa-oh shake it up just like bad medicine_

_                        So let's play doctor baby _

_                        Cure my disease…_

"Playing doctor is my favourite pastime," said Deborah flirtatiously.

Sabretooth: _I need a respirator coz I'm runnin out of breath_

_                        You're an all-night generator wrapped in stockings and a dress_

_                        When you find your medicine you take what you can get_

_                        But if there's something better baby well they haven't found it yet…_

"Oh wow!" Deborah threw herself into Sabretooths arms. "Oh Sabey-baby, I feel exactly the same way! Let's go back to my apartment in the city and play doctors in a haven of love!"

"Do you have any beer?" asked Sabretooth hopefully as he obediently followed the doctor away from the Institute.

Scott watched them go, rather bemused. "OK, that's Sabretooth taken care of. Let's go check on everyone else."

"And I need to pack a few things," said Jean. "If I'm moving in with Lance, there'll have to be a few changes in that hovel. I think the bedroom would look nice in a pink floral wallpaper with matching curtains and bedspread, don't you lover?"

"Uh…" Lance was torn between masculine outrage and the knowledge that if he disagreed he might not get any more sex. "We'll talk about it later."

Song is 'Bad Medicine' by Bon Jovi.


	26. Big Hunk O' Love

Thanks to:

XEvo Chic – Couldn't leave Sabretooth loveless, he's misunderstood really!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – Like the 'Whose Line Is It Evoway?' fic and there's not too long to wait 'til the end of Power9 – next chapter is the final one!

PomagranateQueen – There's a little Rietro here and quite a bit in the next!

XME – Hey, Lance's room might be going floral but at least he's getting lucky ;)

The Son of Logan and Ororo – No background characters! Just Mrs S. and lil Morlock girl to go and then I'm done. For now…

Rage-girl-05 – Yup, paired up!

Steph14Wales – I like it when some one else joins in the song, it's fun that way!

Oceanbang – Sabretooth needs more romance on fanfic! Hmm, maybe next time I could pair him with some one REALLY scary…like X23! Damn, why have I just thought of that now, when it's too late!

Furygrrl – I can just see Sabretooth belting out a Bon Jovi song…maybe I'm just consuming too much sugar again! And there will be more gratuitous Jeance next chapter.

Holly Potter – That's you're fave song, cool! More Rietro here and in the next chapter!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

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By the time the group managed to get inside the mansion, they wanted nothing more than to sit and relax for a while. But it was not to be; the moment they walked in they could hear the shouts coming from the ruined rec room.

"Here we go again," sighed Jean.

They went into the rec room to find the mutants that had previously been in other rooms in the mansion up to God-knows-what had assembled there. Magneto was pacing the floor, pausing occasionally to glare at Wanda and Pietro.

"What are you _thinking_? For crying out loud Pietro, she's an X-Man!"

"So's Rahne," pointed out Pietro.

"Not any more. She's joined the Acolytes. And she'll be your new mother one day, so treat her with some respect!"

""Father!" Wanda looked annoyed. "She's younger than us! And she chases parked cars! No way am I calling her Mommy!"

"Yes, let's talk about age gaps, shall we?"

"You said you'd celebrate the love that Logan and I share!"

"I was being pinned to the ground at the time. It doesn't count."

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Listen, bub," snarled Logan. "There's nothing ya can do about it so just accept it."

"Accept that you're sleeping with my daughter? And Pietro's smooching a Goth with a killer skin condition? Not likely."

"Lover," said Rahne, resting a hand on Magneto's arm and causing the rest of the room to shudder. "I think ye should let them get on with it. You're a few years older than me…"

"That's different!"

"How?" asked Pietro curiously.

"Wolverine's older than me."

"He doesn't look it," said Wanda smugly. "He's in much better shape. And so flexible!"

"Too much info there sis," grumbled Pietro.

Magneto glared at his daughter's boyfriend for a moment, then decided to go for an easier target for his wrath. "And Pietro, I thought better of you. I can understand you like the challenge, but when you get the milk you throw away the cow!"

"Who are you callin a cow?" snapped Rogue.

Professor Xavier frowned. Callisto was sat on his knee and no one in the room had met his eye since he came back downstairs. "What I wouldn't give for a distraction right now."

Pyro looked hopeful. "I could set something on fire! Like, uh…Evan!"

"No, I don't think…wait, what's that spiky freak doing to my wife!?"

"I thought she was your EX-wife," said Callisto irritably.

"Uh, it is!" The Professor used his powers to enter Evans mind and strip him of his sanity. Sadly, no one, including Evan, could see the difference.

Meanwhile, Magneto was in mid-rant. "And my Acolytes neglect their duties to chase women – Pyro and Logan's clone! You're as insane as my daughter! And where did Sabretooth go?"

"He's gone to live in the city with a doctor," said Lance. "He's a man-ho!"

"Sweet merciful crap!" Magneto looked highly disturbed by the thought. "Anyway –"

He was interrupted by a voice. "Excuse me, have any of you seen my daughter?"

"Uh, hello Mrs Sefton." Kurt looked slightly embarrassed and quickly removed his hand from Mrs Leech's behind. "I haven't seen her today at all."

"Have any of you?" asked Mrs Sefton hopefully.

"I'm not telling her," said Pietro.

Rogue shook her head. "Me either!"

"The thing is," said Jean hesitantly. "That due to a spate of poisoned water, mutants across Bayville have been serenading the objects of their desires and uh…"

"Amanda ran away with the Chemistry teacher," finished Lance.

"She's Jane to his Tarzan," said Tabby.

"They've gone native?" Mrs Sefton sighed. "I knew it was only a matter of time. She's always had that thing about hairy men."

"IF I may continue?" Magneto looked put out to be disturbed from his rant.

"Oh, don't mind me," said Mrs Sefton quickly. "I know how important it is to scream at your kids when they date the wrong person."

"Thank you. As I was saying…"

There was a huge crash from outside and Magneto looked skywards. "Must I suffer these constant interruptions?"

Yet another hole appeared in the rec room wall as the imposing figure of the Juggernaut smashed his way into the room. "I have come to kill my brother!"

"Eeeep!" said the Professor.

"We've beaten you before and we'll do it again!" said Scott in his best heroic voice.

"Um, excuse me?" Mrs Sefton looked nervous. "I think I'll just leave, if there's going to be killing."

"Wait!" said Juggernaut hurriedly. "Don't leave, there doesn't have to be killing!"

Magneto groaned. "Oh no. Not this again!"

Juggernaut: _Hey baby I ain't askin much of you_

_                        No no no no no no no no_

_                        Baby I ain't askin much of you_

_                        Just a big a big a big hunka love will do…_

Professor Xavier sighed in relief as his psychotic half-brother concentrated his attention on Mrs Sefton. "Uh, Callisto, can I hide out in the sewers with you in case she turns him down?"

Callisto shrugged. "Sure, let's go." The Professor wheeled them both out of the mansion and they weren't seen again for weeks.

Juggernaut: _Don't be a stingy little momma _

_                        You're 'bout to starve me half to death_

_                        Now you can spare a kiss or two_

_                        And still have plenty left…_

"I'm flattered," said Mrs Sefton worriedly. "But the thing is, I'm married."

Juggernaut: _Oh no no baby_

_                        I ain't askin much of you_

_                        Just a big a big a big hunka love will do_

_                        That's right…_

"There's no good way for this to end," said Rahne, pulling on Magneto's arm. "Let's go hide under the table."

"And while he's distracted…" Pietro took Rogues hand and pulled her from the room. "I have an idea and it's as hot as I am!"

Juggernaut: _You're a natural born beehive_

_                        Filled with honey to the top_

_                        I ain't greedy baby_

_                        All I want is what you got…_

"You do?" Mrs Sefton seemed to be warming to the idea. "Because Mr Sefton's been having a few problems in that area just recently…"

Juggernaut: _Oh no no_

_                        Baby I ain't askin much of you_

_                        Just a big a big a big hunka love will do_

_                        That's right…_

"Why's he singin anyway?" asked Jean. "I thought the toxic eliminators only affected mutants."

"When he awoke his dormant X-gene with mysticism, he musta left himself vulnerable to other things that affect mutants who's X-genes are active." Logan glared around as he received some confused looks from the others. "What? I've been around a while ya know, I've picked up a few things."

Juggernaut: _I got a wishbone in my pocket…_

"Is THAT what it is?" asked Mrs Sefton.

Kurt covered his eyes. "I thought she vas so respectable!"

Juggernaut: _I got a rabbits foot around my wrist_

_                        I'd have all of the things that my lucky charms could bring_

_                        If you'd give me just one sweet kiss…_

"You're soooo romantic," sighed Mrs Sefton. "Nothing like my husband!"

"Juggy romantic?" Scott gaped in disbelief. "Now I've heard everything!"

Juggernaut: _Oh no no no no no no no no_

_                        Baby I ain't askin much of you_

_                        Just a big a hunka hunka hunka love will do_

_                        Just a big a big a big hunka love will do_

_                        Just a big a big a big hunka love will do…_

"Oh my," said Mrs Sefton with a nervous laugh. "May I ask what you're power is?"

"I'm a human juggernaut baby," said Juggernaut with a leer.

"In that case, I'm all yours!"

Juggernaut lifted Mrs Sefton easily and carried her out of the room, through another wall. There was a sudden rush for the exits as the rec room became an actual wreck.

"Trust Juggy," said Storm irritably as Ray carefully brushed brick-dust from her clothes.

Kurt shook his head. "I just vish Amanda had been here to see zat. Teach her to cheat on me!"

Song is 'Big Hunk O' Love' by Elvis Presley.

 


	27. The Girl is MINE!

Thanks to:PomegranateQueen – Hope you like the Rietro!

Oceanbang – Jamie shows up in this chapter – but I couldn't use the others because I ran out of partners for them!

Bobtheheadlesschicken – That would be pretty funny, if some one like Lance was convinced Jean and Scott were still going out but she's going out with him…I could get behind something like that, lol!

Furygrrl – I think it's Margali, but I was too lazy to look it up…'Sweet merciful crap' is from an episode of 'The Simpsons', I've used the expression at least once a day ever since I heard it! And more Jeance here!

XEvo Chic – I was pretty scared by the idea too, I can't recall Juggy having a lady-friend since before he was Juggy. I blame the skintight brown spandex, that's not a good look for anyone, not with his hips.

XME – Yeah, Kurt is a hypocrite! He did the deed first after all. I wondered how many people would point that out!

The Son of Logan and Ororo – Marvel should have brought in Psylocke! A whole chapter where I didn't have to edit out all the shouts of "Bloody hell!" would be great. 

Rage-girl-05 – Poor Juggy gets no love! Now he does…but yeah, it's still scary!

King-Kold – Poor Mr Sefton is right, he seemed so harmless, lol. Glad you liked!

Steph14Wales – Yay, romantic Juggy! Y'know, I struggled to think of a single romantic Juggy moment anywhere and when I checked the Bible According To Purity (uh, Ultimate X-Men, hee hee), I was distracted by the pic of Blob in purple undies.

Rogue14 – Eye soap! It burns and purifies, lol. Glad you liked it!

Holly Potter – The Rietro up in T-minus 12 seconds to go! My laptop's slow enough without an explosion adding to that!

Southern Goth Gal – The 'chases parked cars' idea was from a memory of a Garfield book with that picture in (Odie chased the cars though!). And I bet Rahne would have gotten more screen time if she'd joined the Acolytes.

DemonMaiden – Rogue and Pietro use the special collar Beast gave them in chapter 20! Although how they deal with Magneto may not be so easy to explain…Can't you just see Juggy doing the hip wiggling? 

Song idea is from Furygrrl - thanks!

Disclaimer: All these chapters later, and still nothing is mine.

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"…So we coloured the water and now everything should get back to normal!" explained Scott.

"Normal?" Todd looked rather sad. "Does this mean it's the end for me and my Kitty?"

"What he means is we won't be singing all the time," said Lance. "I'm not splitting up with Jean."

"And I'm moving into the Brotherhood house," announced Jean. "I'm sure it just needs a woman's touch, no offence Wanda."

Lance looked uncertain. "Uh, yeah…"

"And we're going to be blissfully happy and spend days making love!"

"Yeah!"

"And have lots and lots of children!"

"Uh…"

The image of a brood of children with red mullets made the watchers shudder.

"And I'll make Lance the happiest man alive!"

"Every night and twice on Sundays?"

"Yes!"

"Oh Jean!"

"Oh Lance!"

"Oh get a room," growled Logan as the couple fell into each other's arms.

Jamie and Dorian ran into the room and stopped as they saw the smooching. 

"EEEEW!"

"What's been going on here?" asked Jamie."And why is the water green?" 

Dorian looked confused. "And why is that furry guy touching my moms butt?"

"There are perfectly good answers to those questions," replied Storm. "But first…"

"Wait," said Logan suddenly, sniffing the air. "There's some one here!"

The group turned to look at the door, seeing the little girl with the oversized hands enter the room.

"It's only Torpid," said Evan. "Whatcha doing here?"

Torpid did a remarkably vivid mime to indicate that the sewers had become Callisto's personal dominatrix den. Evans eyes glazed and he began to drool.

"Uh, hi!" said Dorian, creeping shyly up to Torpid. "Do you like…stuff?"

"Hey Leech! I saw her first!" Jamie marched up to the pair. 

"When?" 

"When we hid in the sewers from the Sentinel! So there!"

"Well, she likes me better!"

"She does not!"

"Does too!" 

Jamie: _Every night she walks right in my dreams_

_ Since I met her from the start_

_ I'm so proud I am the only one_

_ Who is special in her heart_

_ The girl is mine_

_ The doggone girl is mine_

_ I know she's mine_

_ Because the doggone girl is mine…_

Torpid looked at Jamie in confusion as Dorian glowered. 

Dorian: _I don't understand the way you think_

_ Saying that she's yours not mine_

_ Sending roses and your silly dreams_

_ Really just a waste of time_

_ Because she's mine_

_ The doggone girl is mine_

_ Don't waste your time_

_ Because the doggone girl is mine…_

Leech got down on one knee, giving Torpid a beseeching look. 

Dorian: _I love you more than he_

_ Take you anywhere…_

Jamie: _But I love you endlessly_

_ Loving we will share…_

"Uh, Mrs Leech, can you put a stop to zis?" asked Kurt hopefully. 

Jamie and Dorian: _So come and go with me_

_ Two on the town…_

"Dorian!" snapped Mrs Leech. "You're too young to take a girl out on the town!" 

Jamie: _But we both cannot have her _

_ So it's one or the other_

_ And one day you'll discover_

_ That she's my girl now and forever…_

Dorian: _Don't build your hopes to be let down_

_ Coz I really feel it's time…_

"Dorian!" Mrs Leech tried again. "It's not time! Not until you're 18!"

"You're new boyfriend isn't even 18 yet," pointed out Tabby. 

Jamie: _I know she'll tell you I'm the one for her_

_ Coz she said I blow her mind…_

"That's enough! We're trying to talk here!" Evan tapped Torpid on the shoulder. "Pick one of them."

Torpid looked from one boy to another, took off her gloves and froze both of them. 

"Thank you," said Kitty gratefully. "I just wanted to tell you all that Todd and I didn't mean anything to happen between us – well, except sex…"

"Too graphic Kitty!" announced Wanda, nauseated.

"…But after discovering the benefit of a man with a six-foot tongue, I've decided to ask him to move into the mansion with me!"

"She can't resist me," said Toad smugly. "It's my cologne."

"And I'm going to move into the Brotherhood house so I can be with Freddy!" said Amara. "He's such a big cuddly teddy bear, I couldn't live without his love!"

"We're not moving anywhere," said Scott. "Tabby and I both live in the mansion and we can be together without the aggravation of moving our stuff."

"I'm taking St John into the forest with me," X23 told them.

"You're letting him near a load of dry timber?" Gambit sighed. "Bye-bye Bayville!"

"You talk about me like I'm some kind of fire-obsessed nut!" Pyro looked hurt. "I already handed my notice in and it's time I had a change of scenery."

"Well, Remy gonna take Dani to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.""That's not 'til February mate."

"We got plenty o' ways to occupy our time!"

"Hey, you can't just quit," said Magneto furiously. "Now that Colossus lives on a farm with Mystique, I'll only have Rahne as an Acolyte!"

"We'll be far too busy to take over the world lover!" Rahne nipped his neck and Magneto shut up temporarily.

"I have exciting news too!" revealed Sam. "Agatha's moving into the mansion! She's gonna be a New Recruit!"

There was too much wrong with that sentence to begin to correct it.

"Well I'm moving into the sewers with Caliban." Jubilee revealed her new-look boyfriend, complete with blonde wig and shades. "Isn't he adorable?"

"I vill be moving in with Mrs Leech to be a new father for Dorian!" said Kurt. 

"And I'm going to live in Mississippi with Irene," said Bobby happily.

"I need Acolytes!" whined Magneto. "Whom will I order around if I have no lackeys?"

"Evan will move in with me," proclaimed Gabrielle. "We will move to Scotland where I will heal his mind!"

"And Roberto and I are going steady now," declared Taryn. "He's a great trophy boyfriend!"

"And now I have Ray, I no longer have to spend all my time gardening," said Ororo. "Goodbye sexual frustration!"

"Thanks Storm," said Gabrielle as Evan began rocking himself back and forwards again.

"My children shall be my Acolytes!" Magneto could see Wanda with her arm through Logan's, but he was still one short. "Where is Pietro?"

"He left you a note," replied Ray, handing the sheet of paper he'd found in the kitchen to Magneto and standing well back. 

Magneto read it through carefully, then raised his eyes to meet Storms."What kind of a school are you running here!? First your instructor seduces my innocent and virginal daughter, now one of your students _kidnaps_ my son!"

Magneto stormed off into the control room, followed by the others who knew good entertainment when they saw it. He grabbed the intercom and bellowed, "Magneto to the X-Jet, come in!"

"What's up sugar?" Rogues voice came back over the airwaves.

"What's all this nonsense about you and Pietro _eloping_?"

"Yeah, we took the jet and we're heading to Las Vegas. We'll be back after the honeymoon – say a month?"

"A MONTH!" A vein in Magnetos temple throbbed. "You turn that jet 'round and get my Acolyte back here NOW!"

"Sorry, can't. Nothing on the jet to drink but green water anyway."

In the background they could all hear Pietro singing. 

Pietro: _I found a reason for meeee_

_ To change who I used to beeee_

_ A reason to start over new_

_ And the reason is you…_

"I think I ought to get him to Vegas as soon as possible, see if we can earn enough money busking to cover the cost of Elvis doing the nuptials. No, not Juggy. We'll be back when the money runs out or the water wears off. See you soon – _dad_"

There was a click as Rogue turned off the radio. Magneto let out a string of swears, cut off when Rahne took hold of his hand."I'll tell ye what lover. Ye can order me around."

Magneto looked sulky. "Promise?"

"Of course!"

"We'll…OK!"

"As long as I don't have to be an Acolyte," said Wanda.

"Everything worked out for the best!" Lance put an arm around Jeans waist. "Me and Fred and Pietro get our girls living in our house, we get rid of Toad…"

"Hey!"

"…And we still have no adult supervision!" Lance grinned happily.

"Just one thing bub." Logan grinned and drew Wanda closer to him. "I've been asked to move in with my girlfriend too – and I've accepted."

Lance voiced the thought for all the Brotherhood. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" 

The End!! 

Song is 'The Girl Is Mine' by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney. Pietro sings 'The Reason' by Hoobastank. Weirdly, there was no reason for him singing that. It was just on as I was typing. Two minutes earlier and he would have been singing something by AC/DC. 

Author Note: Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! I'm on hiatus until about the 8th August now, because I'm going on holiday (spreadin the sickness down South!). My next fic will be the sequel to 'Manipulating Evolution'. Hope you all enjoyed this one! 


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